1. "Let me hold your money for you so you won't lose it."
Yup, and you'll NEVER see it again. If your mom or dad has't done this to you, then ask yourself why you gave your mom the $100 birthday money and she comes home with a fresh blow out. To this day, I still don't know where that $100 went.
2. "We have food at home."
Girl no we don't. This is the biggest disappointment every black kid faced. Wheat bread with a hot dog is NOT McDonald's, that's "McStruggle." If you said no to the McStruggle, then "I guess that means you ain't hungry." I can't wait until I get older and ask my mom if she has "McDonald's money." However, the older I get, the more I understand the fact that I have food at home...you know, being broke and all.
3. It's "illegal" to have the light on in the car at night.
I still make sure the lights are off to this day. I haven't gotten pulled over yet so that's saying something. Maybe my mom was actually ri---never mind.
4. If you run in and out the house too much, the bill will go up.
In what way does this make sense? In a black home, you're either IN or you're OUT! Black parents will blame the AC, light bill, water bill or simply just "being on your damn phone too much."
5. If you tell the truth, you won't get in trouble...yeah okay.
When I'm honest, I still get in trouble and when I lie, forget it. At the end of the day, your mom doesn't want to hear it. She's too busy picking out her favorite slipper or belt to whoop you with. Even if you pretend to go to sleep, she will wake you up just to “talk.”
6. If you make a certain face for too long, your face will be stuck like that forever.
I used to be so scared of making an ugly face or it would magically get stuck forever. I've also been told that I have a permanent resting-bitch-face, so I'm assuming that this one is true.
7. If you eat watermelon seeds, a tree will grow in your stomach.
Too bad my science teacher never taught me about germination in the stomach. But as a kid, pooping was your best option to make sure you were in the clear.
8. If you lie, your nose will grow.
Now imagine how long your ex’s nose would be?
9. Babies came straight from God (I mean....LITERALLY dropped from the sky).
I mean sure, if you have faith in God, then yes this is partially true. But does God literally throw babies from the sky into your mom's lap? I hope not because that would hurt. Just stick to the "when two people love each other very much" lie.
10. "It's because you've been on that damn phone too much."
How does this correlate with anything? Did anyone find the answer? Oh yeah, because it makes the bills go up right?
11. Purposely eating all of your Halloween candy because they wanted to make sure that it was "safe."
See, you would think after the 26th piece of candy that the whole bag is safe but no. Notice how your mom is ONLY testing out the Snickers bars.
12. Santa is real (This one hurt too).
This one really hurt. Imagine waiting for Santa to arrive but then you remember your grandparents don't even have a chimney in their house. Not only that, it's painful to know that the cookies you made every year were eaten by your mom and dad at 4AM...This one hit hard.
13. Showering during a thunderstorm is dangerous
Black parents only say that so their water bill won't go up....NEXT.
14. You can't go swimming for 30 minutes after eating.
I always thought this was true. But then again, my mom said that you will sink to the bottom if you ate right before. I guess the reason for this lie is so you don't blow chunks in the pool and embarrass your mom...or maybe just to do chores in the house.
I think this is a lie that ALL parents tell.
15. If you peed in the pool, it turns into a special color that everyone can see.
This is a great a lie. Who wants to swim through a blob of someone else's urine? However, running to the bathroom to take off your wet bathing suit just to put it back on was frustrating.
16. "You can be whatever you want to be when you grow up."
Kid: "Okay, I'll be an artist!"
Mom: "Actually, no that's not what I meant. I meant choose between doctor, lawyer or engineer."
17. Having a nose ring turns you into a "rebel."
I'm pretty sure this is how my mom thinks I look when I put in my fake nose ring. (There's nothing wrong with this look though.)
18. "I'm 5 minutes away (from being 2 hours away)!"
Don't even bother. You're going to be sitting outside of your school until it's pitch black. (I will never forget when my mom told me that she was on the highway but I heard the metro north train sounds in the background...shame.)
