Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
This holiday is not to be confused with the "Global Day of Parents," which is observed on the 1st of June every year, per a United Nations declaration.
Here are 7 qualities of a great parent:
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Now before I start telling you about what day finally came and why it came and what the heck I am actually talking about, I want to start by saying. I am in no way shape or form a professional writer. I don't intend to be. I find joy in writing sometimes to avoid talking to myself while my twin boys take naps so I don’t convince myself that I am crazy as a stay at home mom of nine month old boys. As a first time mom, mind you. Lets not forget to mention that. When God was ready to show me motherhood, boy was he ready. I learned fast, double time, if you will. Writing, journaling, blogging, positing, whatever it is that you want to call this is truly just a pastime passion so please if your going to be a critique just hit the “x” or the back button or something else and save us all an extra comment and some time scrolling too.
Today like any other ordinary day, I woke up with my husband, (if he read this he would laugh and say yeah right). I don't actually ever wake up at the same time as my husband usually because he wakes up at 5:00am and that's just too early for me to get up whenever the boys are not awake yet. But, today was different, today the boys had a doctor's appointment. Their nine month check up with their pediatrician at nine fifteen so that meant in order to make sure we left the house on time. I needed to go make Gatlin a bottle of milk and hook him up to his feeding tube at 5:30, for those of you that didn't already know by now, my son Gatlin is tube fed by a Gtube in his belly. For now anyway, until we get some things in his body fixed where he can eat by mouth.
Anyway, his feed runs over an hour, which means it would end at 6:30. He needs about 30 minutes for the milk to settle or else if I try to move him around too fast he will throw up what he just consumed and that's not good for anybody. That puts us at getting him out of bed at 7:00 as well as getting Gunner (his twin brother) up around the same time to give him a bottle. While I give Gunner a bottle Gatlin just hangs out in his bouncy seat waiting patiently for me to change his clothes, I run and pack the diaper bag- diapers, wipes, extra burp rags incase Gatlin throws up when the doctor sticks the thing in his ears to check them, puffs for Gunner to give him for when he gets fussy because he's bored, noisy toys to also give Gunner whenever he gets bored of the puffs, chew toys to also give Gunner when he gets bored of the noisy toys, you get the idea. Then throw the feeding pump, Gatlin's feeding extension, an extra bottle of milk for him, and extra bottle of milk for Gunner, the vaccine cards because I am that mom that forgets to give them to the nurse when they get shots for them to update them so of course I need them to update them today, the day they are not even getting any shots.
I forgot to mention at this point that after I hooked Gatlin up to feed earlier while he was still sleeping I got myself ready while they were both asleep at 5:30 otherwise I would have never had enough time to get myself ready before we had to leave at 8:00. Anyways, back to where we were. I chose to change Gatlin first because at this point Gunner was waving his now empty bottle around in the air like a helicopter propeller, all while saying “dada” repeatedly. Let's not get started on that topic, that has been Gunners first words. I change his butt everyday but Dada still gets the fame.
Anyway, now that Gatlin is changed I put him back down and grab the helicopter pilot and put his clothes on. I then grab both pumpkin carriers and put each boy in their own, buckle them in while they scream bloody murder at me because they HATE their carseats and being buckled in. Then I throw their stocking caps on because it's freezing and a big fluffy warm blanket and I take Gatlin out to the nice warm car first, I set the diaper bag in with him then turn the DVD player on for them. Yes, Karen, dont come after me. My 9 month old children watch dvds from the babyfirst show while we are in the car. If you listen to them scream while they were riding in the car you would try everything to find something that worked also.
Anyways, then I run back inside and grab Gunner, who at this point has already thrown his blanket off of himself and pulled his hat down over his eyes and is kicking his feet like he is running a marathon and freddie kruger is after him. I adjust his hat, put his blanket back on him and take him to the car. I come back inside, put my own coat on, grab the last minute necessities, lock the door and head to the doctor. Upon arrival, I pop the trunk, grab the lock and ride stroller, toss Gatlin's car seat carrier in it, strap the self carrier around my body, grab Gunner out of his carseat and strap him to me, throw a blanket around him and in we walk, carrying one and pushing one. You find things that work for you quickly with twins.
We did the routine: take them to the room, undress them, throw on a clean dry diaper, weigh them, measure their head, length of their body, etc etc. Then we got to talk with the doctor. For those of you that know the boys you know that they are two different boys. Gunner loves the attention, further advanced and more developmentally inclined than Gatlin. Gatlin, pretty laid back, a little less vocal and much farther behind developmentally than his brother. So the doctor (whom I absolutely adore so much, we have the best pediatrician hands down.) and I had a conversation about Gatlin, why was he not coming forward faster with his development. He was meeting milestones but not necessarily matching his adjusted age. Now I am not going to get into detail with what we discussed completely with you all over a blog post because that is not the idea. The idea is the day finally came where we realized Gatlin is not like Gunner. We are going to meet with another doctor in the coming weeks to discuss some other possible diagnosis for Gatlin and whatever they come from them we have absolutely no fear of what they may be.
The deal is, Gatlin needed a family, he needed a momma and a dadda. God knew what kind of hiccups he was going to have long before he gave him to me. If he chose to give Gatlin to me with all of the battles he was going to face in life then I am absolutely honored that he chose me to be his momma and I will be strong, I will be his fighter, I will be his protector. We will battle through each and every label that we receive and we will work hard to overcome the odds. If you have read this far, no Gatlin does not have a disease or cancer. Just some other things we are going to look into. Dont worry about us, pray for him. Pray to give him the strength to continue fighting to be just like his brother like he does everyday. I wasn't upset at all with what we discussed with the doctor. We take what we talk about and we move on. Nothing changes who Gatlin is and we don’t even begin to treat him any differently. I dressed each boy again, put their hoodies and stocking caps back on. Loaded Gatlin back in the carseat first, of course when I dressed him I had to hook his extension up and run it through his pant leg to feed him on the way home. I gave Gunner a couple of puffs to chew on on our way out as I strapped him back in the carrier that I was wearing to hold him over until we got home. I strapped them into the car, then back towards home we headed. Both boys fell asleep no more than we got out of jeff city.
The silence was so nice and different. With silence comes overthinking. I thought not about what we had discussed today but about Gatlin's cleft palate surgery coming up on Friday. Yall, NICU PTSD is a real thing. I began to panic thinking about them taking him for surgery then not giving him back to me just like when he was born. They took him and I didnt get him back for 127 days. I instantly began to back peddle thinking this was going to happen again. They would take him and I would not get him back for a long time. I had to take a deep breath and turn the radio down and pray. I asked God to just help to calm me when I didn't have anybody else besides two sleeping boys who had no idea what in the world I was talking about. I soon after giggled at myself. I knew God was there when I was laughing at myself. I should have known in the 127 days that God took care of Gatlin in the NICU that he would take care of him again in the 1 night he has to stay after fixing his cleft palate. I felt more at ease with myself and was able to turn the radio back up again slightly. I was almost home, I looked in the rearview mirror and couldn't help but smile with tear filled eyes at two of the biggest blessings in my life, sleeping so soundlessly, so preciously. I was hauling the most precious of cargo. I thank God everyday for that.
God is good, all the time.
All the time, God is good.
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Featured
Do Millennials Suck Because Of Their Parents?
You, our parents, gave us the tools to become the entitled, lazy people the millennial generation is filled with.
04 August 2022
9225
Unsplash
Baby boomers and older generations are constantly referring to millennials as entitled. Constantly claiming that we have been babied and handed everything; we lack morals and work ethic. We are unable to hold conversations because we don't know how to pull ourselves away from a screen, and we are self-absorbed. In reality, some of this may be true. But you made us this way.
You, our parents, gave us the tools to become the entitled, lazy people the millennial generation is filled with. Granted, not all of us fall into this category, but I know I can name a few kids and parents that fit these parameters, and I'm sure you can as well.
NEWS FLASH PARENTS! If your kid is an entitled POS- it's YOUR fault.
My generation is filled with teens and young adults who never had to work for anything. You gave us Xboxes when we were 7, phones when we were 10, cars at 16, and held our hands when we signed our first lease papers. You gave us money when we asked- you never said no, so we never stopped asking. These are the kids that think they've made it when they have their own place and their own car- when in reality these are normal adult expectations.
There is a HUGE difference between helping, and enabling. How can you expect your child to work for a living and know the value of material things if they have never had to? The moment your child began to struggle you were there, offering a way out. If your child put up a fight because he didn't want to take the trash out, you back down. I've heard the excuse that parents are tired- tired of fighting and the struggle that is raising kids- but isn't this what you signed up for? You were supposed to raise us, not coddle us.
I don't want this to get misconstrued- parents who help their children are great, and at times your child will need it. But when your child doesn't know how to manage money properly, and instead of teaching them, you bail them out- your an enabler. When your child blows their paycheck on weed and partying, and now they can't make rent, and you're there giving them the 200$ they were short- your an enabler.
Until you, the parent, learn to say NO, and let your child crash and burn for a change- they will never learn, and they will continue to be the entitled millennial that everyone knows and hates. People learn from uncomfortable situations. When I was in college, I blew one paycheck out partying (we've all done it). I didn't have anyone there to bail me out or help me- I ate ramen every day till I got my next paycheck. It sucked, but I never blew a paycheck like that again.
Don't blame the entitled, bratty millennial for their behavior, when you are just as much at fault. You allowed us to act this way, so why should that change now?
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Featured
To The Toxic Parents
Maybe I have so many issues because you got to pick and choose when to be a father so I had to decide I didn't need a dad.
26 July 2022
9905
Pic via Unsplash
Maybe this is why I have so many issues. Maybe it's because you said I would end up like my mother, you said that I would end up strong and independent but you meant it as an insult. You didn't really use those words, but that's what I decided to take out of it. Making your negative into positive like I had to do with most things. Maybe I have so many issues because you were forcing me to be apart of a family that didn't claim me as their own, and how am I supposed to learn how to love myself when the people around me didn't? Maybe I have so many issues because you thought to pay child support made you father of the year because you thought to buy gifts made you a present father. Maybe I have so many issues because you thought me loving my mother was me choosing sides, and how did you expect a child to make those types of decisions. Maybe I have so many issues because you wanted me to leave her the way you did like she hasn't been through enough already. Maybe I have so many issues because you belittle the women who raised three of her children and still have the audacity to tell her to do better. Maybe I have so many issues because you got to pick and choose when to be a father so I had to decide I didn't need a dad.
My first break up was with my father and maybe that's why I have a hard time letting guys leave me. Looking for the love that I lost in them, not looking for them to be a dad but looking for them to love me infinitely the way that my father should've. I don't want to be the girl that says she has daddy issues but I'm a girl with daddy issues. A therapist, a psychologist, and a prescription for medication aren't going to change that. I would love to be able to blame all of my issues on my father but I know that isn't true. I get all my stubbornness and hardheadedness from him and so I understand why he never heard the problems that I spoke of. There is only so much one person can take, especially at such a young age and I was through with dealing with it.
I often get a lot of crap for not talking to my father by choice. The way I see it is if I'm not going to allow a random toxic person in my life, labeling a person father isn't going to change that. You only live one life, do not spend it with people just because it's a social norm says so. A person should not spend their life worried about someone who isn't there. Your progress in life does not depend on one person. Yes, everytime someone asks about my father I am quick to say that I don't have one. That is because I have made so many different accomplishments without one. You don't need to keep someone in your life if they are making you miserable. Parents included.
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Featured
Annointed for Greatness
The story of a cleft mother’s bravery, in her own words.
23 June 2022
3234
Favour, from the city of Port Harcourt, Nigeria, is the mother of Smile Train patient Annointed. Below, she shares with us her and her family’s journey from unexpectedly having a child with a cleft to finding the free, lifesaving care her son needed from a local Smile Train partner.
The first thing I have to tell you is that my husband, Martin, and I loved Annointed from the moment he was born and knew God has chosen him for a special purpose in this world. Truthfully, we were also a bit discouraged, too, because neither of us had ever come across a cleft before. The hospital staff noticed our concern and told us that his cleft wouldn’t be an issue because there was a surgical cure for it. Martin and I thought they were only saying this to calm us down, but when we got home from the hospital, I did my own research online and found videos on YouTube that let me know they were telling the truth; there really were remedies.
However, the videos also showed me that this was no minor procedure. We don’t have a lot of money and I didn’t know how we would ever afford something like that. But Martin was supportive and encouraging. He didn’t think it would cost too much, and anyway, whatever our Annointed needed, we had faith that he would receive.
It was clear to us that he needed help quickly. I had to express my milk into a separate container and give it to my baby in a very exact position; if he even laid down after eating, the food would come out of his nostrils and he would suffocate because of his cleft. That also meant we could not leave him alone after feeding. Either his father or I had to be there at all times.
How did we find help? Read the whole story here: Annointed for Greatness (smiletrain.org)
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Entertainment
5 Reasons Your Children Should Watch Netflix's New Series 'Bookmarks: Celebrating Black Voices'
We must make change in the world among us — and it begins with our children.
03 September 2020
14677
Netflix
Growing up, I remember the selection of cartoons and TV shows that filled my home. They typically portrayed children exactly like me — white and middle-class.
When I went to school, I was exposed to people exactly like me. My neighborhood was filled with people who dressed and acted just as I did, with few exceptions. Clothing advertisements pictured the idea of the perfect American family. Even the books I read and the stories I heard lacked diversity.
As a future educator, I'm passionate about exposing children to different perspectives and avoiding the dangers that a single story creates. Netflix's "Bookmarks: Celebrating Black Voices" does just that by fostering a sense of empathy, sense of self, and reflection. Here are five reasons why this show is a must for all children to watch.
1. The creator of the show is an advocate for justice — and she's only 15 years old!
So often, children are told that they cannot do important things until they are older, but the creator and executive producer of 'Bookmarks: Celebrating Black Voices' shows us otherwise.
Marley Diaz began her advocacy work at age 10 with her #1000BlackGirlBooks campaign—an initiative to combat the lack of representation, especially among Black men and women, in literature. Her original goal was to collect 1,000 books to supply communities across the US with diverse books, and she far exceeded this goal with 12,000.
Now, she's launched a 12-episode series dedicated to empathy and self-love. Our children need to know that regardless of their age, they can do big things, and the first step in doing this is by exposing them to individuals like her who made their dreams a reality.
2. The series centers around vital topics such as identity, respect, justice, and action.
Something unique about this series is that is both entertaining and thought-provoking, not only for children but also for adults. As parents and teachers, it is our job to not only teach our children but to grow alongside them.
This series gives us the opportunity to ask questions, engage in discussions, and correct our old ways of thinking. Each episode centers around a children's book written by a Black person, while also giving real-life examples and applications. A sampling of questions tackled in the series includes how racism can occur in our daily lives, how to promote inclusion, and how to love who we are.
These lessons are appropriate for all ages, so watching an episode of "Bookmarks" is the perfect family activity after a long day of work or school.
3. 'Bookmarks' presents our current social climate in a way that children can understand.
Our children are growing up in a world of immense change in the face of the Black Lives Matter and #BlackoutBestseller movements. History is unfolding right in front of our children, and it's our responsibility to give them the skills to notice it.
Often, parents have trouble introducing topics such as social justice and racism, leading them to not introduce their children to these topics at all. Children who are uneducated in social issues often become adults who are indifferent to the world around them.
Many of the books featured are written from the perspective of a child as well, creating a relatable voice that helps children learn. If we want to enact social change, we must do so by teaching our children to empathize at a young age.
"Bookmarks" doesn't just present the issues, but also provides ways to fix them—together.
4. 'Bookmarks' encourages children to love themselves—and others.
With titles such as "I am Enough, I Am Perfectly Designed," and "I Love My Hair," this series advocates for self-love and kindness. "Bookmarks" advocates that children love who they are authentically and live each day with confidence, and what better message could we send to our children than that?
The series itself features a wide cast of readers—both young and old, male and female, musicians, advocates, and artists. By exposing our children to the beauty found in themselves and others, we encourage our children to live out this message in how they interact with friends at school, speak to others, and fight for what is right.
5. Netflix plans to donate copies of books featured in 'Bookmarks' to educators across the nation.
Netflix announced that it has partnered with First Book to distribute select titles from the show across the nation—and internationally. This series not only shows children the importance of representation, but it also shows our future what it means to give back.
The creators of the series are hopeful that with each book donated, another child will become an advocate for representation and inclusion. The series shows us the beauty in starting small and loving our communities well, and our children can aid in this effort by sharing what they learned with friends, neighbors, and family members.
The hope is that with more exposure, educators across the nation will find the resources available to serve and celebrate all their students—and this effort begins with our children.
Ultimately, "Bookmarks" shows our children what it means to make meaningful change around us, no matter how small—and that it begins with them.
Our children are world-changers, so we must educate them on what really matters in hopes that they will leave the world a better place than they found it. Until then, it's our job to love them, celebrate them, and educate them right where they are.
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