Everyone has insecurities, that's just a fact. You didn't ask to be born this way. You didn't ask to inherit the one trait no one else in your family has. And you definitely didn't ask to be this ghostly white. But as soon as you've learned to live with it for a while (less wrinkles later on in life, right? right???) someone has to ruin it for you. They have to flaunt they're perfectly tanned body from Spring Break and hold their sun-kissed skin against yours. But I've had enough... here are the things that perpetually pale individuals are tired of hearing.
1. At least I can't lose you in a crowd!
I get it, my shining pale face among this sea of caramel-toned goddesses is easy to pick out. Thanks for boosting my self esteem.
2. Oh my goodness your skin is like glow-in-the-dark.
Yes, lights on or lights off, you still can't lose me.
3. Can't you just get fake tan?
White+orange= orange. I'm going to let you think that one through.
4. Do you tan or just burn?
By the looks of my lobster-red tan lines after being in the sun for fifteen minutes, I'd say the latter.
5. Your kids are going to look like Casper the Friendly Ghost!
Thanks for transferring all my insecurities to my children. I'm crossing my fingers and toes they won't inherit this trait... for their sake.
6. *holds arm against your arm* Look how much darker I am compared to you!
Congratulations!
7. *holds pale arm against another pale arm* Aw, at least you're darker than her!
Don't turn me against my own kind.
8. I laid out by the pool almost every day over break!
Must be nice to lay out without having to hide under a towel.
9. I haven't used sunscreen since I was, like, five.
I'm just reapplying my SPF 5000 every twenty minutes because it's fun for me.
10. *adjusts selfie lighting to their face* Oops, where'd you go??
Yes, because I wanted my nose to disappear in this photo.
11. *after working out* Your face is SO red!
The blood rushes to your face too, ya know. My skin just does a worse job of hiding it...
12. *wears white* Look! You're all one color!
Can't a girl wear white or pale pink or light yellow without being ridiculed?!
13. You need to get some sun.
Don't tell me how to live my life.
14. Aren't you excited for summer?
No. Because everyone is the same color as I am in the winter.
But hey, enjoy your tan lines and perfect selfies while you can. Because I'll be laughing when you look like leather and my porcelain skin keeps on keeping on.
