Trust Me Ladies, Long Distance Relationships Are Harder With Your Friends
My boyfriend is the absolute best but he can't talk shit about his ex with me, that's a friend job.
My boyfriend and I started dating last summer. At first, we were really just good friends. He was the person I studied with, talked to, and leaned on but by the end of the summer, we both realized what we had was much more than a friendship; neither of us were in a position to let go of it.
He stayed in Westwood that summer to finish up a class he needed to graduate. By September he would be heading off to San Jose to start his first full time, a big-boy job at Intel. Meanwhile, I had one more year of my bachelors to complete, and that meant we were to be separated, for at least a year.
At first, we were both very skeptical about attempting a long distance relationship. I had done it before, and so had he, but the circumstances were kinda sticky. But after two months of being apart, we decided we would give it a try.
My plan and goal for the year were to be entirely focused on my degree and landing a job.
Throughout the process, I missed my boyfriend A LOT. Yet, I was either studying or in lecture- all day, every day. The truth is that even if he was around, we wouldn't have been able to spend that much time together anyway, I was focused.
Per my plan, I was entirely immersed in school that year and spent my free time researching all the different kinds of work available to me. From internships, fellowships, teaching gigs, to research positions, I was determined to find the right fit. And sure enough, by the end of the school year, I had secured a job in San Francisco, only an hour from him.
Making the move to the Bay Area was pretty intense, but being so much closer to him has been incredible. We're like a normal couple now! The closest thing we used to get to a date night was a facetime with nice lighting. These days, we get to have lunch dates when our work schedules permit - it's awesome!
From the weather and my boyfriend being so close to having a Philz coffee on every street corner, moving to the SF area has been pretty awesome. Not to mention that no longer being long distance with my boyfriend has in itself been awesome.
The only thing I have left to complain about is being long distance with my best friend.
I am pretty close with my family, so not being able to see my parents and brother more frequently kind of sucks. But, I moved away from home to go to UCLA two years ago, and for those past two years, I haven't gone as much as two hours without touching base with my best friend.
Currently, it's been over a month since we've seen each other. Sigh.
She happened to also be my roommate. We would walk to campus together, study (die) together, decompress together basically every night.
There was really not much we didn't do and learn together. From cooking meals we'd only watched our moms make, to taking pride in how we made the bathroom would sparkle after giving it a team-clean; we entered adulthood hand-in-hand, laughing.
When Persian New Year came around that first year, it was for both of us, the first time we would be away from home. It also happened to be finals week. Yet, (and I'll never forget) on that day we both decided that our culture was very important to us. We put aside our studying for far longer than we anticipated and went to the grocery, to get all the things we needed to celebrate properly.
Every single time I would return to our apartment with laundry or groceries, no matter the time (or her state of mind), she would come and help me. I am a girl who hardly asks for help, and she quickly became somebody that changed that.
She was there through all the unexpected hurdles life threw at me those two years. Both positive and negative, she taught me what friendship meant by holding my hand extra tight in the moments I needed it. While at the same time, giving me space in the moments I needed to grow alone. And all along the way, she supported me with praise every time I achieved just about anything.
She was there when missing my family got too hard; and, she was even there to answer my calls as I would drive back away from a weekend of visiting them feeling like I was about to kill someone.
Needless to say, there are moments where it actually gets really hard not having her around.
My boyfriend is the best. We adventure together, laugh together, talk, and really genuinely enjoy each other's company. It's pretty awesome. But, sometimes you NEED your girlfriends around.
I knew that before I left for the Bay; but I guess in the moments I spent missing my boyfriend so much last year, I rarely considered the potential of missing my best friend equally as much.
As hard as it is missing a boy you really like, I think I'd argue that it's equally as hard, if not harder, to miss your best, girl, friend.
