I Rode A Bike For The First Time This Year, I've Never Felt So Free
With the right people and passion, anything is possible.
I've always been insecure about biking. Although I've owned one since I was five, I never had the time to properly learn how to use one. In fact, whenever I'm asked about biking, insecurity overtakes any current emotion and dejection sets in. I could use a Soul Cycle machine and pedal with all my heart, as it was stationary. I got the motion burned into my cerebellum. Despite that, I never understood just how to balance myself and how to build enough momentum such that I don't need to constantly pedal to remain upright.
During my first week of classes, I tried using Stony Brook's bike service to temporarily use a bike and try learning by myself. Every attempt was a disaster waiting to happen, as I kept leaning into each turn my bike made, compounding it until I inevitably veered to the curb and knocked myself off the bike. Many miraculous interventions on the part of God helped me avoid injury to myself, university property, and others. I managed to finally get myself at the right speed to avoid falling to the side, but I had no control aside from the brakes.
At one point, my irritation erupted, and I kept screaming expletives in the SAC loop because I couldn't get myself to ride properly, even though it was the first time I've tried in 14 years. I unleashed the bottled-up insecurities that ate at me from within, and with that came out feelings of frustration, hopelessness, and inferiority. Even my roommates were surprised at how angry I became with myself; it was very uncharacteristic of me. I felt unworthy of riding a bike or even learning.
A week later, a fellow Odyssey creator, Kelly Wang, offered to teach me just how to ride after I poured out my frustration. Her profound positivity and encouragement enabled me to come out of the shadow of self-doubt and learn the basics of riding. I still needed improvement and practice, but Kelly is the reason why my determination resurfaced and my attitude took a 180-degree turn.
My control managed to improve and I began to let my body do the work for me and avoid overthinking. My thought processes at the moment became, "How to get from point A to point B?" My previously tight grip on the handlebars loosened, my breathing relaxed, and my cortisol levels plummeted until I was living in the moment, feeling the rush of the wind on my face, and experiencing complete tranquility. I haven't been that blissful in a very long time — the crushing weight on my self-esteem was finally atomized. I finally did it.
I may have had a taste of independence during childhood, more so in my current time at Stony Brook, but riding a bike for the first time gave me the kind of true liberation I haven't had in a decade. I might not have the best skill and technique, but I do have a heart beating with passion and a drive to hone my skills. I realize now that it's never too late to learn anything, and that with the right people and passion, anything is possible.
