Foxtail Coffee Co. Is Being Accused Of "Extortion" By Enamored Students
Foxtail Coffee Co. has won its place in the hearts of UCF students for its hip atmosphere and aesthetically pleasing drinks, but students must pay the price - literally.
With new upcoming dining options such as Gringos Locos and the ongoing renovation of the Student Union food court, UCF students will soon have more food options than they've ever had before. Foxtail Coffee Co. is no exception - offering a variety of vegan goods and interesting beverages, the new bookstore cafe has been bustling with activity ever since the beginning of the Fall 2018 semester. However, the hip, up-and-coming coffee spot has been accused by students at the University of "extortion" and "peer pressure" due to its remarkably high prices and irresistible ambiance.
"They catch you with the enviable and modern interior decorating", remarked junior Priscilla Leonard. "Every time I pass by the breezeway I'm drawn to the dark interior that's reminiscent of an abandoned Hollister. Resisting the cured wood motifs and fake potted plants is futile."
Senior Andrew Markey elaborated, "Before you know it, you're in line and someone is smiling at you nicely and asking you what you'd like to order. It's like you're a bee drawn to honey - you can't even try to escape. You're just forced into buying a $7 latte made with Mongolian goat milk and coffee beans from some other remote corner of the Earth."
Laptop-reliant students have particularly experienced their productivity take a hit. Miranda Ramirez, a freshman at UCF, told our correspondent, "I never thought I would be this unproductive in college. All I ever do when I come in here is ponder the state of my existence as I hand over $5 for a donut and squish myself between two equally distracted Pinterest users. But hey, even though I'm failing American Government and took out a loan so I can afford my dang coffee, at least my Instagram story looks nice."
The plethora of students who claim to have suffered financial damages have come forward to administrators with accusations of peer pressure and coercion. The University has begun to openly acknowledge the detrimental effects of Foxtail Coffee Co. on the entire campus's wallets and productivity.
Viktor Romanov, a sophomore, said, "It's essentially extortion. This atmosphere is so nice that you can't help but hand over all your money for some weird ginger lemonade and cold brew concoction."
Winona Chen, a rising senior, added, "Every day it rains at 3 PM like clockwork, and I'll usually be stuck in the breezeway for an hour. It's basically a trap since I simply can't ignore the shining, beady, unblinking eyes of the personable employees trying to sell me expensive coffee in their dashing plaid uniforms and Warby Parker glasses."
Spokeswoman Evelyn Lynch stated, "We have come to terms with the fact that our beloved Foxtail Coffee Co. location has introduced a number of financial pressures on our students' lives. We do not tolerate any coercion on this campus, and our administration will do whatever it takes to resolve this issue."
As a part of the University's UCF Cares outreach campaign, the administration has blocked off Foxtail with caution tape during the investigation of the business' conduct, and at press time, had opened up a victims' fund to reimburse the affected for the extortion.
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*This is a fictional, satirical story.
