My Summer With Denver Rescue Mission
Jumping directly into the brokenness of humanity close-up brought me all the closer to believing in Love.
I spent my summer interning with an incredible organization — Denver Rescue Mission. These past few years, my heart has been torn back and forth between the desires of a young writer and the consuming need to help this hurting world. The two seem to live in conflict within me at every moment. I do not, however, think they are mutually exclusive desires. But there are many voices in my head telling me many different things, influencing me on What I Must Do With My Life. There is only one Voice I want to listen to, but it seems difficult to me at this time in my life to understand exactly what He's saying amidst the chorus.
My experience this past summer— of working with people of various backgrounds and unique circumstances, many of whom are just barely getting by or are working to create a new beginning for themselves— was, as they say, a rollercoaster.
Disheartening, at times. Challenging. Hopeful. Heart-wrenching. Joyful.
There were moments I experienced where things made sense. Ah. This is what it's about.
I felt it when a woman having a rough start to her morning hugged me after I tried to help. I felt it when the reality of having a place to stay caused tears and an outpouring of gratitude and grace from someone who had a deep need for a home. I felt it when someone with an attitude and a deficit of hope seemed to take one step closer to understanding that they are appreciated. And loved.
I guess I saw really close-up how human connection can begin to heal brokenness. How powerful, truly powerful, hope is. How superficially powerful hopelessness seems. I saw some darkness. But I saw a brilliant abundance of light.
I hear it again and again: love is all that matters. And really, the more I live, the more love seems to plant itself in my heart as a priority.
Loving people, including myself. Loving my Creator. Loving this life. It's what I was made to do. For a while, maybe that hasn't fully clicked with me. I've always believed in Love, but do I understand its power and truth? Do I really understand that the reason God wants us to love Him is that it's what makes us whole? I don't think it's about obligation, but about the way things are. We are meant to be in relationship— with each other and with the Love that we cannot see.
Am I starting to believe that falling into Love Himself is not just a one-way street, not even a two-way street, but an all-encompassing relationship that catches us on all sides? I'm really just spitballing here, I know we're not meant to know everything. But I feel pretty dang certain that we are made to get to know Love well. Very well. Because it's all that sustains us. Isn't that what Jesus meant?
Loving God. Loving humanity. Being loved. Loving myself. I know everyone is different and perceives the world through a unique paradigm. We have different realities, and I hope I never sound preachy because believe me, I know that I know very little. Oops.
But in my own experience, I think I'm processing that if God is Love, then my loving God, being absolutely immersed, becomes the other loves. Because the more I allow God's love into my heart, the more I understand who I am and who others are, and the more miraculous all this love becomes. I've tried to understand this before, perhaps in different ways. It's a lot for a little human head to wrap her head around.
But my heart? She's diving in just fine. Maybe I understand God and this world very little. But my heart just wants to love well. When I think about love, all the other nonsense (albeit still important to my humanity) fades away, and I'm left with wholeness.
Whatever I end up doing with my life, I want to be loving. I was made for this. Some of the best wisdom I've received from different people I admire very much is that you can love wherever you are, whatever you're doing. I'm thankful for that. And I am exploding with the capacity to love more powerfully than I could ever imagine. We all are. Because it's what we were created to do!
