I Just Graduated College, And I Have No Idea Who I Am
I thought that by the time I graduated, I would know exactly who I was and what I wanted, but I'm starting to realize that I knew who I was in the context of school, and I knew what I wanted in the context of a career, but I actually have no idea who I am in the world outside of school and academics.
I finally graduated on June 17th, after six very long, very painful, very draining years. Now that the stress and anxiety of finals is over, and the chaos of visiting family members and never-ending grad parties is over, things are finally starting to go back to normal - or at least some version of normal.
But this is not MY normal.
The past six years of my life, ten if you count high-school, I have dedicated myself to school: going to classes, maintaining my GPA, homework, projects, essays, and very occasionally socializing with my friends.
Now that I've graduated, there is no homework. No readings that I have to finish. No essays that I should be writing. No exams that I should be studying for.
I go to work, I go to my internship, and then I go home...to nothing.
This is the exact moment all of college students dream of for years: free time.
We joke about it in our memes, and ask each other sarcastically, "What's free time?" "What's sleep?" But now it's real. I actually have time for these things, even if it's just for the summer.
I have never had this much time for myself, at least not as an adult.
I've come to the conclusion that I have NO idea what I like to do, or who I am outside of school. I've spent so much time devoted to school and keeping my GPA up, that I didn't take the time to figure out who I was. I didn't develop any hobbies, I didn't go out of my comfort zone to try new things or go on adventures. I always told myself that I didn't have the time, that I should be studying or working on a paper.
I don't know who I am outside of homework, project, and classes.And it's terrifying.
Graduating college is supposed to be about starting a new chapter in your life, and in this new chapter I have to rediscover myself. What do I like to do for fun? What are my hobbies? What do I like that makes me different from everyone else?
In a futile attempt to occupy my time now that I have an abundance of it, I have made six lists that will *hopefully* help me figure out the answers to some of these questions:
- Books to Read Summer 2019
- Summer 2019 Goals
- Current To-Do List (updated daily)
- TV Shows To Catch-Up On (because I have neglected TV for 9 months)
- Arts and Crafts Projects
- Trails I Would Like To Hike (Beginner)
- Activities To Try Summer 2019
Since Wednesday the 19th, I have finished a half-season of one of my shows (I'm current), I have started an art project that I've been trying to finish for over two years (it's on my list to finish it), and I have tried rock climbing, which I've wanted to do for months (and I loved it!).
I know that some of you won't relate to this because you went directly into a Master's program, or you started a job right after graduation, or you already discovered these answers a long time ago, so you aren't experiencing this quarter-life crisis. But I also hope that there are some of you who can relate to this, who understand what I'm going through.
I'm not really sure how this new chapter of mine will end, but I know that I'm going to make some great memories while I figure it out. Maybe I'll find a really cool new hobby, or a great TV show, or maybe I'll have an experience that changes my life forever.
Sophomore Year, 2015-2016
Junior Year, 2016-2017
Senior Year, 2017-2018
