As an Asian-American adopted by white parents, I've had to battle with coming to terms with my Japanese and Chinese heritage and cultural identity, as well as my adopted identity. There was a very small population of adopted kids in my elementary school and high school classes, so a lot of the kids understandably didn't truly know how to talk about the topic of adoption around me. There were certain phrases that they would say that irked me one way or the other, and I never knew why. At the end of high school, I made an adopted affinity club, where we talked about the different phrases that we all communicatively agreed were offensive, hurtful or could be phrased better. We discussed how reinforcing positive language around adoption may make the topic seem less isolating, foreign to others, and more normal overall. So, here is a list of 5 things you probably should avoid saying when talking to someone who's adopted, and/or discussing the topic of adoption in general. If you've never been in either of these prior scenarios, then consider this a learning moment!