Recent college graduate Gregory Gordita was arrested Monday evening after physically assaulting the CEO of Taco Bell at the corporate offices in Irvine, California. Gregory was hired as an assistant to the head chalupa at the company Christopher Crunchwrap.

His first day on the job Gregory was asked by one of his supervisors how he landed the coveted role. “I applied last week and got hired after my phone interview a couple days later”, Gregory said. His supervisor responded “Sounds like nepotism to me. The big guy loves that crap. Everyone else hates it.”

Thanks to loud air conditioning in the room, Gregory misheard the statement which setup a rather humorous scenario later on in the day. During lunch, Gregory received direct orders from Christopher to go on a coffee run. Upon returning to Chris’s office with the sweet cup of Joe, Gregory tripped on the bearskin carpet and spilled the coffee all over the CEO’s fabulous wardrobe.

Christopher jumped out of his chair in agonizing pain as the steaming Starbucks latte enveloped his skin. Christopher ordered Gregory to get the hell out of his office and Gregory sheepishly obliged. He thought, wow. My career is over. First day on the job and I already screwed up big time. I’m a complete failure. I’ve lost all hope at becoming the Ray Croc of almost Mexican food.

Gregory’s entire future crumbled before his eyes. He'd have to find a job working somewhere he hated, doing tasks he didn't wanna do in order to set himself up for a cycle of misery until his eventual demise. He wasn’t gonna let his dream job slip through his fingers. Not like this. Not without putting up a fight. He was done being a quitter.

In 1^st grade he quit soccer after getting kicked in the nads by his whole team. In middle school he quit playing the violin after bullies at the school called him Mozfart and Butthoven. This time was different. This would be the time Gregory stood up for himself and took destiny into his own hands (no pun intended).

Refusing to let his mistake evolve into inevitable termination, Gregory storms back into Christopher’s office where he comes up from behind and squeezes Christopher’s udders for utter redemption while simultaneously apologizing for the mishap.

This was a poor decision by Gregory. No consideration for the situation at hand. People say there's a time and place for everything but that couldn't be further from the truth. There's no circumstance when one should think that milking your employer will yield positive reviews.

Needless to say Gregory ended up with a black eye, a restraining order from Christopher and a lifelong ban from Taco Bells worldwide. If there’s one lesson to be learned from Gregory’s mistake, it’s this: Never mix business with pleasure. Even when the pleasure’s a lie.