Sweating in the 90's.
Start writing a post
Lifestyle

Sweating in the 90's.

How to Keep Cool While You're Losing Your Shit.

209
Sweating in the 90's.
Richard Simmons EATing to the oldies

So I don't know if you could have ever considered me a sane person? Like, I always, mostly get my adulting done, but most of the time I feel like I'm in outer space. Especially now that I have been laid off from work for three months.

Days in, Days out, AMIRITE YOU GUISE?!?!?

I personally think someone should hire me to be a Professional Cat Mother to my two cats. You should see how they have blossomed under my direct tutelage. They are on their way to fully becoming real live cats and I could not be prouder. Yet it is tinged with a certain sadness knowing that my time with them will soon enough be ripped away by a society that wants me to get a job in order to teach me HOW TO HUMAN!

It's so cruel! Like, I had dreams, went to Uni, and graduated only to find that now at my ripe age, I have to be schooled in how to human? Do they not know I'm better at dreaming than humaning? Did my papers get lost somehow? Was I as dream, only a dream? Am I too only human or am I only too human? In realizing that I am only human what does that mean for dream, er, I mean, me?

One can only speculate the ramifications of those questions, but in the meantime, it is motherfucking hot in my apartment. Minneapolis went from a blizzard on April 14th to 86 degrees and "we had better find a place to tan under a tree" on May 16th. Now that it's Memorial Day is it any surprise that it's in the high 90's? So glad the EPA ruled that there is no such thing as global warming. Anyways, something that this human/dream nexus can admit is that sweat is palpable on its skin, as in I am a sweaty bitch.

I think that one thing we can all agree upon, or at the very least can be paid to deny, is that we need to find a way to beat the heat!

Luckily I have a slew of ideas for you since I have spent most of my adult life in overheated, under ac'ed apartments!

1. Dove Dry Spray Antiperspirant Deodorant for Sensitive Skin

I like to spray this wherever I tend to sweat. In obvious places like my pits, or under my fat titties, or in less obvious places like behind my knees when everything just gets to soppin! The Dove spray is for sensitive skin so you don't have to worry about it irritating your skin, and it doesn't contain alcohol so you don't have to worry about it being too drying either.

2. Mario Badescu Facial Spray with Aloe Herbs and Rosewater

Mario Badescu is one of the OG's of skincare. This spray is not only refreshing with its light rose scent, it also contains aloe that will help soothe and cool your already irritated hot skin. The only drawback about this product is that it can be addicting. You want to be the essence of a rose garden, not a soggy petal (though in this heat you probs already are).

3. Lush's Twilight Bath Bomb

One of the best ways to cool down is to run yourself a bath. Now, a cool bath can be good on its own, but I find adding something like Lush's Twilight bath bomb can take it to the next level. Emitting lavender oil, this bomb relaxes you as well as calms. They also have a matching lotion called Sleepy, and a body/room spray also called Twilight if you are a scent/relaxation completist.

Well, I feel a bit better now, a bit more down to earth, a bit less sweaty, and a bit more human. Which is good! It's all we can hope to be, right?

ETA: I don't get paid to promote anything as I am only ether in keyboard form.


Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

71505
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee
nappy.co

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

133501
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments