So I don't know if you could have ever considered me a sane person? Like, I always, mostly get my adulting done, but most of the time I feel like I'm in outer space. Especially now that I have been laid off from work for three months.
Days in, Days out, AMIRITE YOU GUISE?!?!?
I personally think someone should hire me to be a Professional Cat Mother to my two cats. You should see how they have blossomed under my direct tutelage. They are on their way to fully becoming real live cats and I could not be prouder. Yet it is tinged with a certain sadness knowing that my time with them will soon enough be ripped away by a society that wants me to get a job in order to teach me HOW TO HUMAN!
It's so cruel! Like, I had dreams, went to Uni, and graduated only to find that now at my ripe age, I have to be schooled in how to human? Do they not know I'm better at dreaming than humaning? Did my papers get lost somehow? Was I as dream, only a dream? Am I too only human or am I only too human? In realizing that I am only human what does that mean for dream, er, I mean, me?
One can only speculate the ramifications of those questions, but in the meantime, it is motherfucking hot in my apartment. Minneapolis went from a blizzard on April 14th to 86 degrees and "we had better find a place to tan under a tree" on May 16th. Now that it's Memorial Day is it any surprise that it's in the high 90's? So glad the EPA ruled that there is no such thing as global warming. Anyways, something that this human/dream nexus can admit is that sweat is palpable on its skin, as in I am a sweaty bitch.
I think that one thing we can all agree upon, or at the very least can be paid to deny, is that we need to find a way to beat the heat!
Luckily I have a slew of ideas for you since I have spent most of my adult life in overheated, under ac'ed apartments!
1. Dove Dry Spray Antiperspirant Deodorant for Sensitive Skin
I like to spray this wherever I tend to sweat. In obvious places like my pits, or under my fat titties, or in less obvious places like behind my knees when everything just gets to soppin! The Dove spray is for sensitive skin so you don't have to worry about it irritating your skin, and it doesn't contain alcohol so you don't have to worry about it being too drying either.
2. Mario Badescu Facial Spray with Aloe Herbs and Rosewater
Mario Badescu is one of the OG's of skincare. This spray is not only refreshing with its light rose scent, it also contains aloe that will help soothe and cool your already irritated hot skin. The only drawback about this product is that it can be addicting. You want to be the essence of a rose garden, not a soggy petal (though in this heat you probs already are).
One of the best ways to cool down is to run yourself a bath. Now, a cool bath can be good on its own, but I find adding something like Lush's Twilight bath bomb can take it to the next level. Emitting lavender oil, this bomb relaxes you as well as calms. They also have a matching lotion called Sleepy, and a body/room spray also called Twilight if you are a scent/relaxation completist.
Well, I feel a bit better now, a bit more down to earth, a bit less sweaty, and a bit more human. Which is good! It's all we can hope to be, right?
ETA: I don't get paid to promote anything as I am only ether in keyboard form.
