I’m from Indianapolis and let’s just say this is not the most pleasant place in the world. Where I come from anything could happen at any time. If you can imagine, think of an environment where gunshots ring true, where blades pass through bodies like butter. Without a second thought, these types of actions are the brutal reality that is my city. I’m here to tell you, watch the company you keep. You ask why? I will tell you why. This is my story.

The day started off like any other normal day in Indianapolis. I woke up got my mind right. Then took a shower, got dressed, put on my forces, and hit the door. The first thing I decide to do is hit my friend Scottie-beams up see what he was doing. I knock on his door. “What’s up, Sean?" he said as he opened the door.

“Not much man, just bored, trying find something to do," I said.

So I go inside, and our other friend Tyrel is there. So, we do what we do best live our lives on the greener side. We jammed out for a while, then ended up watching a movie. Finally, I decide it was time for me to leave. One thing about me is I don’t like to stay in one spot for too long, it makes me feel restless. I got to move around. That’s where the hustle comes into that big city picture. So I go back to the house. I was tired when I got back. In turn, I just ended up falling asleep. When I woke up, it was nighttime out. I didn’t realize how long I had decided to sleep. One thing you need to know about the city is it never sleeps even if you do. Night time is when the city really comes alive.

So I hit Scottie beams up to see what he was doing. He told me everybody was drinking and chilling at his crib and they just got done with cooking. So I was like shit, I think I’m going to slide through. He told me, “don’t come through without some swishers." All I could do was laugh. I had a feeling it was going to be a good night. Until I showed up to my friend’s house. They had about ten people over, which is not that many people. It just so happens one of those people was my homeboy’s, girlfriend’s, half-brother. He was the youngster of the group. One thing about this kid he always had to try and play that tough card, but even so I liked him. Honestly I thought I saw a little bit of myself in the him. It is because of this reason I considered him to be a good friend at the time. We had hung out frequently and got along quite well. We had always had our differences, but these were trivial at best. To think these little differences could be so defining when it comes down to the true nature of the two of us. That it ultimately what led to the unfortunate betrayal that unfolded that night. In the grand scheme of things, I think I should have payed closer attention to the true nature, and intent of my company this day. Maybe then the whole situation could have been avoided, but alas this was not the case.

Since they were cooking over there I went as to inquire if I could join them for dinner. He told me there wasn’t enough food for everybody. I knew he was low on money, and would most likely let me have a plate if I threw him a little money. I told him I would just buy some of the food. Also not failing to mention to Scotty that I was sick of eating roller grill food from the speedway gas station down the street. Which was the only place open besides the waffle house which I definitely had no desire to eat at, for the same reasons being I had eaten there also much to frequently. So I ended up putting some money on the table. After this I go to make a plate with Scotty’s permission. Then I look down at the table where I left my money. To notice that money was now missing. The only person in the vicinity of the table was Scotty’s, girlfriend’s, half-brother. I’m not stupid and on top of that, the dude was as drunk as a sailor on a three-day vacation with an endless supply of rum. He is sloppy. I could see it in his eyes he had my money. So I walk up to him and ask “where my cash at”? I honestly Tried talking to the kid as calmly as I could, and politely ask if he would return my money. He decided to play stupid and act as if he knew nothing. At this point my patience with the drunken youth had been drained. So I decide to take back what’s mine. I snatch him up. Then go into his pockets to get my money. As soon as this happens he decides the best decision would be to try and throw me back against the wall. Which only proceeded to anger me further so I said fuck it! While grabbing his scrawny little neck I stopped to think for a split second like should I do this. I’m thinking my hands are around his throat at this point so if cops come, I’m going to jail. Might as well make it worth it. So I punch him in his mouth until I end up knocking out one of his two front teeth. After I knocked his tooth, the man picks up a goblet style wineglass, and smashes it over my head. This was the tipping point I feel. In the heat of the moment all I felt was the blood dripping out of my head. Once I see, taste, feel my own blood all I want is blood. So I come at him with all I got and start digging into his face and body whatever shot he left open I took. Eventually his brother steps in, and breaks up the whole situation. After this his brother turns and looks to me and tells me I have to go to the hospital. I didn’t understand because I honestly didn’t feel any of my wounds, but I felt something was wrong anyways during the fight, because when I was swinging I felt my body exerting the same amount of energy as it usually does in this type of situation. I could see my hands flying as fast as ever, but it felt like I was playing a role in a slow motion movie all at the same time. His brother then walks me downstairs and starts apologizing for his brother’s actions. Even though I didn’t he knew it was a way more serious situation then I realized. Then he disappeared back upstairs.

The first thing I try to do is call my homeboys in the area. I could not do this though, as soon as I pull out my phone the screen is covered in blood. So I stood there for a second let the blood pool at my feet. I realized quickly I was bleeding out, and if I didn’t get help it could be all bad. So I head over to my apartment when I get there it appears the apartment was empty. I then try to go into the bathroom but it is locked. I knocked but no one answered. I’m in no position to stand around at this point in time, so I venture off into the rest of the apartment to find my buddy’s dad drunk. I remember entering the room and explaining what happened. It took a couple times but he finally got it. He calls the ambulance. The first thing he tells them is, “you better hurry I don’t know if he’s going make it”. After that he gets me a towel for my face. I put the towel up to my face to only notice that I am bleeding from somewhere else. This is the game changer of perception in this situation. The spot I realized I was bleeding from was my neck. As soon as I realize this little fact internal red flags start going off. The thing about bleeding out from your neck is that you feel the blood pump from your heart, and out of yourself with each beat of your heart. It was the most intimate experience I had ever had with death, and it scared the shit out of me. I wasn’t afraid to die I had long ago accepted that as a very natural part of life. It was the fact as I was dying that I realized I didn’t want to die alone. That is what scared me.

So finally the ambulance arrives along with police at some point. It’s kind of in and out from here folks. The next thing I remember is that lights are being shined in my face, and people keep asking me about what had happened. Next thing I know, I notice I am on a stretcher being rushed out of my apartment building, being loaded into the ambulance. When I get into the ambulance I notice that the EMT’s are emotionless. So, I say to them “you guys are pretty stoic, you got me bleeding out, and dying back here. Do you see this a lot?"

One turns to me and says, “you’re the one who is stoic, sitting back here cracking jokes, that sure is some resolve you have their kid." Then I pass out.

The next thing I know I wake up. My clothes are being cut off me. As I lay naked on the operating table, they have someone take hold of my feet, and they briefly explain they have to operate to clamp my artery our else I will likely die. Not much I can do at this point but go with the flow. This though is one flow I did not dig. The pain I felt while during this operation was the worst I have ever felt in my life. Even though my body was flooded with morphine. At this point, I passed out in pain and rage into an unconscious abyss.

I awoke the next day remembering what had happened the night before. So I go into the bathroom to look at the damage. I look into the mirror to see my face and head was swollen beyond any point I thought possible. I looked like a monster, and with that thought, my blood boiled with a rage. A rage so pure the flames of hell would smolder in its wake took ahold of my soul.

The next two days where spent in recovery. Which basically consisted of me eating nothing but painkillers, throwing up all the time and being in a constant rage. When I finally arrive back to my apartment I get a warm welcome. The whole complex even people I didn’t know had heard about what had happened and came to pay their respects. One individual I came across pulled me to the side and popped his trunk for me. He said, "we can ride right now little homie you know where he stays?" To which I responded, “I appreciate the gesture but now is not the time." Unfortunately, my plans did not include that of another person. My plans were much more personal. I wanted this man to suffer slowly. I wanted to take a gut hook blade to his belly. I wanted to see the expression on his face as he bled out and held his insides. When all I could do is sit back and watch with a thin smile of macabre delight as I watched the life slowly drain from his eyes. Alas once again my desired course of direction was thwarted by events that once again had me question the nature of my company.

Eventually, I just decided to move away from Indianapolis. I could not think in that noisy place. So, I moved to Plainfield, Indiana where it was a little more peaceful. Not soon after that the strangest thing happened to me. I met a girl so dark but yet so beautiful that the contrast within her soul took me by surprise and took ahold of my own. Her name I will not mention but the love I had and still do have for her I will. She came along like a wounded bird. The pain within her was so deep all I could do was ignore my own. Eventually we became best friends, then we grew to be lovers, and finally to be in love. It is only through this love that the man who slit my throat’s life was spared. If it were not for the power of love, I might not be here typing away this story. Not every love is perfect though. We were young, dumb, reckless, and hopeless when we met, which let’s say didn’t quite work out the best for the two of us. Long story short she ended up pregnant with another’s child and me I was sitting in prison when I should have been home with the women I loved. Though if not for that love I would most likely still remain in prison, but for a much more serious offense.

These events in my life taught me a very valuable lesson. It taught me that one never knows when his or her time is up, or what can happen in the heat of the moment. People can come along and change the course of the direction you are going in life more suddenly than you know. This can either be a very beautiful thing, or a very destructive force within itself. Not all people have your best interest at heart remember this simple fact and you shall ever be aware of the true nature of your company. It is not my intent to dissuade you from making new friends or anything along those lines, but to rather encourage you to do so with the right people. It is because of these reasons I can only stress that you my friends watch the company you keep.

Sincerely Sean E. Landrock