As I have gotten older and am having to deal with more "adult" situations, I am learning that those "stressful" situations that I thought were the end of the world back in high school were a piece of cake in comparison to the the stress that I have had to endure since going to college. I am now going into my fourth year of college, and looking back I have changed and learned far beyond what I have ever imagined.
When I first got college, my mental health came into serious question. I learned that my anxiety disorder was much worse than I had thought. When I was in high school, I was safe. I was in my safe bubble with all my friends and family in once place. Once everyone left for college and went their separate ways, I felt lost. I was away from my then boyfriend and family. I was away from familiarity. Something I never have had to deal with before. Because of this, however I decided to take control of my anxiety and have learned to live with it. I thought something was wrong with me and that I would never be "normal", but I have come to realize that many people suffer from this common disorder. It has made me learn so much about myself as a person.
My friendships were tested. The only way to truly be able to take control of my anxiety disorder was to transfer schools and move back home. In the process, I had left my best friend behind. This truly was a test of our friendship, and for a while I thought that our friendship was over. At the time she was not aware at how bad my disorder was. I didn't want to tell anyone. I was so embarrassed and thought I was going crazy. Looking back, however this was one of this best things that could have ever happened. I knew I would have never been happy at that school and my friendship with best friend had only gotten stronger. I was able to open about about my anxiety, and come to find out she suffered from the same thing.
And, just this past year I broke up with my first love. As said in my past article, we were together for 5 years, but I realized that we needed to grow individually, and the only way to do that was separately. I grew fearful that we were only still together because we had been together so long, and that it was comfortable and safe. I needed to know if this was the real thing, because at the time, I was becoming unsure. As our future after college is approaching, I began thinking about our future together and what it would be like. I feared that we would both have regrets if we did not have this time to ourselves. Out of all the stressful hurdles that I have had to encounter in college, this was by far one one of the hardest. I cried everyday for a month, and I still cry from time to time. I loved him, and I still love him. At the time I thought my world was coming to an end. I regretted everything and wished I had never ended things. Looking back, however this is one of the best things that could have ever happened to us. We have grown so much and learned how to live an adult life without each other. I would have never met the people I have met. My friendships would have never gotten so strong, and my success in college may had never sky rocketed if we did not take this time to figure our lives out. We would still be two people depending on each other for happiness. Whether or not we get back together or not, I can truly tell myself that I am capable of living life without the love of my life.
These particular events in our lives- good or bad- occur for a reason. It is usually to teach us a lesson. At the time, it may be difficult to understand, and you may question everything but always remember that you will not be in your situation for forever. We are ever changing and life throws many curve balls, especially when they are unexpected. I have learned that many times, when you least expect it, life throws you the "good curve balls", the happy unexpected occurrences. So, my advice to you is to sit back, relax and let the universe do its job because everything happens for a reason.
Don't ever confuse a season for a lifetime.
