For many the holidays is a time to spend with your family, eat food, open presents and enjoy all the time together, but for some, it is a time that can be too much to handle due to the loss of a loved one, or close friend. For me, this hits pretty close to home. When Christmas time comes around I feel guilty, guilty that I am still here and life keeps moving on without my loved ones. Sometimes the guilt can get to be too much and the holiday can become too much. Trying to celebrate and be merry while in the back of your head the sadness and emptiness are still there.

4 years ago I lost my best friend, and it does not ever get easier with time, but it does become more bearable. The first Christmas without him was hard, I could not be happy and celebrate because I was overcome with the sadness and the feeling of being alone. I watched his family grieve and search for that little something that was missing but just could not seem to be found.

Another year passed and there was still sadness and moments of grief, but there were also moments of happiness and moments when you could see a spark of a new tradition.

However, after two years the holidays began to get easier. Not easy because I had forgotten about the person I lost but easier because I was learning a new life without him. Time may not heal all wounds however with time things do become easier to cope with. Holidays are a time to enjoy family and loved ones and reflect on a wonderful year you had with your family. Yes, the pain of a missing loved one can sometimes be too much, but one must go on and push through in order to keep living life.

For anyone out there that is dealing with the loss of a loved one this holiday I can truly and deeply say that I understand how you feel and I understand your pain. However, the one thing that keeps me going through the holiday is I know I have to live my life to the fullest for the ones I have lost. They would want me to be happy and enjoy all of the holiday traditions and not moping around. If you are sad and missing a loved one you have every right to grieve for however long you need to, but just know throughout the holiday season you have a loved one watching over you. Your very own guardian angel.