It was a hot summer day when I finally realized, I had lost my best friend.
In the beginning, my best friend and I were closer than sisters. We were the kind of friends that had their own secret language, knew each others ins and outs. We had no secrets between us, no conversation off limits. There was nothing that we wouldn’t do for one another, but on that hot summer day, everything changed.
If I take a step back, I guess things weren’t so perfect between us. Perhaps, we judged one another too harshly, loved each other too hard, whatever the reason, it resulted in too many tear stained fights.
Every fight started with, “You should change this. You should be this. This isn’t you. You’re not a good friend. I don’t even know why I’m still friends with you. You’ve never been there for me.”
Hearing this, I thought back to the late night phone calls, the long talks over the boys that broke our hearts, the heart warming moments when we knew no matter what we would always have each other. Now, everything had changed. My friend was gone, lost in the memories of summer.
Looking back, I wonder, what should I have done differently? Should I have stayed by her side, knowing it goes against what I believe in? Could we have worked things out? Will we ever be friends again? How can I move on?
Dealing with a breakup from your boyfriend is one thing, but a best friend? It’s even harder. No amount of chocolate ice cream and rom-coms can make it better. So, how do you deal? How do you pick yourself back up? Its not as if you can go back to swiping left and right on tinder.
1. Understand why you are choosing not to be friends anymore
Breaking away from someone that you have been friends with for so long can be a really hard decision. You have to ask yourself, is this the best thing for me? How is this friendship impacting my life, and if I end it, what will be the outcome? Now, these are hard questions to ask, but if you are really thinking about ending things with your best friend, they’re things that you should be considering. Once you can tell yourself why they aren’t a good friend for you to have, you are a step in the right direction to breaking up with your best friend.
2. Having the "talk"
The absolute hardest part of any breakup is having the dreaded “talk." Its tough to even think about, let alone do. But the best way to talk to someone about your break up is to be honest, and treat them how you would want to be treated. While, honesty is the best policy, it isn’t always revered as such. Keep in mind that your best friend has feelings, and while you want to be honest, you also want to be mindful of how you say your opinion. This person was your best friend, and regardless of what has happened between you two, your best friend still deserves your respect.
When you are finally having the “talk," be open, and make sure your telling your friend exactly how you feel, what you want, and why you are making this choice. Even though you are being nice, don’t sugar coat breaking up with your friend. This may not end in the best way, no break up ever does, but ultimately, you will feel better once you’ve finally broken it off.
3. Focusing on the friendships you already have
Once you’ve officially broken up with your best friend, you may start looking for ways to replace them. This may be with new people, or other friends that you already have.
Instead of focusing on finding a best friend, make the connections that you already have stronger. Spend more time on the relationships that you already have, because in the end, you never know what may become of your friendships if you nurture them.
4. Making new friends
You can never have too many friends! Find different ways to meet people. This could be through clubs, events, work, or anything really where there are people. If you really try, you will find people that are worth spending time with, and before you know it, you’ll have friends and perhaps, a new best friend that makes you wonder how you ever lived without them.
Moving on from your breakup can be a new adventure. All you need to do is open yourself to the possibilities.
