According to Safe Voices, one in every four women will experience domestic violence at some point in their life. "Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend had threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a break-up, and more than 1 in 4 teenage girls in a relationship (26%) report enduring repeated verbal abuse." Scary stats, right? Relationship or domestic abuse is more common than people realize and most wounds aren't visible. Women aren't just the victims, men are too - and we need to put an end to all of it.
In the midst of my teenage years, I had become a victim to abuse; physical, emotional and verbal. I'll never forget the day I was forced into doing things I didn't want to when a guy took a knife to himself saying he'd hurt himself if I didn't. I was left with bruises on my back and legs but more importantly, I left with fear. For the longest time, I couldn't wear a necklace because after having hands tightly around my neck, I felt like I was being strangled. Another wouldn't let me end things or do anything that I wanted to do because even though he yelled at me, threw things, forced me to stop giving even my best of friends any attention, he really did "love" me and if I left, he'd harm himself. I was told that no one would ever love me like they did and that no other guy would think I was beautiful like they did. I was damaged. I felt violated. I felt as if I couldn't even control my own life.
I never spoke up. I felt as if people would look at me differently. I felt that somehow people could still see the bruises left on my body and that no one would want me. I thought people would judge me, and because I had been brainwashed by verbal abuse, that somehow I'd be the one in trouble if I told. I didn't want anyone to harm themselves as they threatened to, so what did I do? Nothing. I didn't know what to do. None of that was love and none of that will ever be considered love. Someone who loves and cares for you would never abuse you in any form.
I look back on this time of my life and can't remember a time I was happy back then. It took me years to recover from the traumatic events I dealt with totally and completely alone. But I wasn't alone. So many people deal with this, it's sickening but at the same time, comforting. If I had been told I wasn't alone back then, things may have been different.
If you are a current or past victim, know you aren't alone. Know there are plenty of people who love and care for you. Know there are many who have gone through the same struggle. Know there are plenty of resources to reach out for help. Know it's okay to speak up and to tell someone. And - know there is someone else out there who deserves you and who will love, respect, and cherish every part of you.
It takes time but it does get better. The wounds will heal and you will become one hell of a strong person. You will meet someone who shows you what it is like to be treated fairly and respectfully. You will meet someone who will put the broken pieces back together. You will meet someone that allows you to easily trust them without fear.
Do not settle for someone who doesn't appreciate all of who you are. Don't settle for the person who drags you down. Don't let someone physically or verbally harm you. Don't let someone control your life.
Be who you are. Be with someone who inspires you to become a better person. Be with someone who unconditionally supports and loves you.
You are strong. You are a warrior. You are not to blame.
Use your voice and spread awareness to help current victims and to help prevent others. By sharing your story or simply sharing the signs of domestic abuse, you could help yourself, your child, a teenager, or a stranger, avoid toxic people. You can help them find a way out. Look for the red flags and if you think someone you care about has become a victim of domestic abuse, let them know you are there to provide support.
Visit http://www.safevoices.org/ to learn more.
