Dear Men,
It may seem like common sense to go on a date, but you might find yourself turning into a serial dater and/or not able to get a chance at having that second date. It may be the women you are going for aren’t putting in the effort that you are, or maybe you’re not putting in as much effort as you think. You may be thinking “How would you know how to date a woman?” My response to that is: I’m not simply thinking about the sex with them or physical attraction. Women have brains (like you *gasp*) and will drop you faster than you can say “Netflix and chill” if you two don’t connect on an emotional level. There are also many different types of women: some take jokes better than others, some don’t get as jealous, some like sports and some don’t, etc. (again the same as guys *double gasp*). If you solely want a hookup, then “Bye Felicia!” but if you are trying to find someone to spend your life with, here are some tips to make that first date into many dates.
Dress to Impress: Wearing a nice outfit is step one. Your work clothes or the shirt with the pizza stain on it aren’t going to cut it for a seriously committed woman with standards (you want a woman, not a girl). Some dates like hiking or rock climbing you could get away with wearing something more comfortable (please don’t wear a suit to climb a mountain), but wearing sweatpants at a nice restaurant makes you look lazy and (putting my quarter in the swear jar) a fuck boy. You might like a woman who smells good, so you should show her the same respect and put on deodorant AND cologne. All men should own some nice smelling cologne for those special occasions (don’t spray yourself to where you’re swimming in it) and without the deodorant, the pits might creep out and smack your date in the face!
Be Polite: You could be a douche nozzle, or you could try to show some chivalry since that’s someone’s daughter you’re on a date with. It’s not the end of the world if you don’t get to, but holding the door (whether car or venue) open for her is a gesture she will appreciate and maybe go brag to her friends. TWO VERY IMPORTANT POINTS: Listen to what she is saying and try not to cut her off. There is a difference between responding with words and responding to what she is actually saying. One common mistake some men make is they space out and respond with “Oh” or “Yeah”. Another mistake is going on about you all night instead of engaging in what she is saying. You’re trying to be in a relationship with someone and that means making some room in your heart for another person. Plus, active listening with a thoughtful response is pretty sexy.
Ditch the Phone: If you are texting other people or scrolling through Facebook and Instagram, then why are you even on a date in the first place? You should be getting to know this person that’s in front of you, not asking your friends what’s the score to the game. Leave the phone on vibrate and in your pocket. If you’re not engaged, she isn’t going to be engaged either and text her friends about how boring (and maybe rude) you are.
Interesting Conversation: Speaking of being boring, be equipped with the knowledge of holding a conversation (damn Daniel, back at it again talking about the weather). This is not a job interview; it’s a date, so ask about more personal things like her interests and try not to feel too nervous to the point where nothing comes out. Tying into that last point, it’s OK to embrace the silence because you two don’t need to talk every single second of the date. If you can make her laugh, that’s always a plus (don’t be too inappropriate depending on the woman). A huge turnoff for women is being negative about yourself or in general on a date (nobody wants to be a Squidward). It shows that you might not know how to have fun or how to be happy and enjoy life. Why is she going to want to go on another date with someone who made her feel depressed after one date? Also watch out with talking about your exes (unless they directly ask you about them then it’s fair game). If you are bringing up past women you dated on multiple occasions, she might start to think that there are some unresolved issues and feelings that you haven’t addressed yet. She should be your main focus, not Samantha with the jaguar tattoo above her butt crack.
Be Yourself: Sometimes we don’t even realize that we aren’t being who we really are on a first date. You might start to talk yourself up (a football playing king in space…with a mustache!) or put yourself down and have no confidence (Eeyore). There are good qualities about each and every one of us; you should embrace those qualities. If you are a goofball, embrace your inner goofiness. If you are more serious and romantic, embrace those qualities. After you date someone for a while, legend says the “honeymoon phase” ends, but in reality, both people are becoming more comfortable with each other and start to show who they really are. Then some individuals complain that their significant other “changed," but maybe they didn’t change. Maybe they were sugar coating who they were when they first met you. It’s better off to show someone who you are starting at day one.
Romanic Advances: This varies on who you are going on a date with and how successful or unsuccessful the date went. If you don’t feel like she is into you, obviously DON’T try to kiss her. The best way to test it before you two end up parting ways is slowly increase sexual tension throughout the date. For example, start to talk closer to her (whatever you do don’t motorboat her), smile with eye contact, and/or placing your hand close to hers. You might think this is the easy part, but this is where guys screw up because some move faster than the woman’s preference. If she isn’t fully engaged in you (try to pay attention to the signs), it’s better off not making advances than trying to run the bases. Also, you might find the girl who is willing to have sex with you on the first date. Don’t go for the girls, go for the women who are better than that; a real woman isn’t going to give herself up that easily.
Men and women may think differently during certain situations, but we are all equal in value. Go have fun gentlemen and don’t come back with your tail between your legs!
From,
Your personal wingman
