It's 2:00 a.m. on Thursday and you have a ten page paper to write before 9:00 a.m. the next day. You have your name on the page and a title if you're lucky. You're cursing yourself for spending the past four hours watching Netflix, but at the same time your cursor keeps itching back towards it in the other tab, watching you, waiting for you to procrastinate even more. You've written essays before, but now you have no idea where to start. It happens to the best of us. Here's ten tips to help you both A.) write a college essay and B.) finish it as quickly as possible. I may not be one hundred percent proud of all these tips, but let's face it: We've all done it, and now I'm going to pass the torch.
1. Read the book, sort of.
The ideal situation of course is for you to read the book. Do not interpret this tip as condoning you if you don't read the book. Read the book. Just do it. But, in the off chance that you didn't, there's still hope. You can either Sparknote it if it's a classic or skim the book pretty quickly. Look at the chapter titles, search for a topic there and then read those chapters. You're still reading a portion of the book, which is better than trying pull material out of thin air.
2. Quote something, anything.
The pages fill up a lot quicker if the content is more than just your thoughts. Feel free to ramble on in a paper as much as you want, we'll get to that later, but an outside source legitimizes your rambling. Quote the book, quote the Bible, Google articles similar to your topic and quote those, search for famous quotes and patch that into your essay somehow. Quoting the book makes it look like you've read, and quoting an outside source gives the appearance of research.
3. It's not the length of the quotes that matter, but the frequency.
It's a common misconception that a nine-line block-quote will help you in an essay. A nine-line block-quote may fill a page, but four three-line quotes are better for you in the long haul. A quote that's nine lines long makes you look lazy, but sprinkling multiple three-line quotes throughout your paper appears professional and well-informed.
4. Don't try to write an essay after 10 p.m. Just don't.
It's bad for you, it's bad for your paper, it's bad for your roommates, and it's a bad habit in general. Ideally you want to write an essay between 3:30 and 9:30 p.m. Writing at night is a reality and most students are forced to do it, but if you continually force yourself into a habit where you're writing later at night, then you're never turning in your best work with your best mind. Late nights are for poetry and speakeasy's, not academic material.
5. Don't wait until the night before it's due.
I'm still trying to learn this one. This is the hardest tip to master by far, especially for me because I hate writing in separate sittings; it feels like my tone changes. Though I've heard of this mystical beings who can write papers days in advance. College is nothing to them but a plaything, and this is a paradise I hope to know someday.
6. Type your paper on a Google Drive.
Most college essays are to be typed in MLA style with double-spaced, 12pt., Times New Roman font. The double-spacing in Google documents is slightly larger than other word processors, helping the length of your paper in small increments. Also, you can save the essay in multiple formats and email it to yourself as a backup. No more losing papers, no more forgetting to print it at home and being stranded paper-less on campus.
7. Make small changes to the spacing of your paper, then save it as a PDF.
Make a little extra space between your title and your first paragraph. If you're really struggling to hit that page count, then space your paragraphs so that they start lower on the page, and then lower your page numbers to even-out the distance. This requires a certain level of finesse, because one space too many and your professor will discover something peculiar with your essay. Subtlety is the key, and that is something to keep in mind with every single one of these tips.
8. Learn to use a library database.
Googling "famous quotes about suffrage" will get you as far as sophomore year; but after that you might actually have to do some real research. Check out the digital databases offered by your library, my personal favorite is EBSCO Host. A database is like an academic Google on steroids. You'll need to do some serious research sooner or later, and it's safer to learn before midnight on a Sunday when the campus library is closed.
9. Run your essay topic by your professor before you start.
Your best asset for writing a successful paper is the person you're turning it in to. The professor that gave you the assignment is the one you need to please. They know the standards better than anyone and they know what they want to see. I will guarantee that nine times out of ten, if you email your professor asking if your topic is okay, they'll tell you. Funny, isn't it?
10. Make your periods 14pt. font and bold your commas.
This is an old trick but it still works like a charm. I don't know about you, but sometimes I'm assigned an eight page paper that I wrap up beautifully in seven pages. Should I be docked points because I'm more articulate than a professor expects? No! Trying to use this trick if you've written an incomplete paper will hardly help at all. But if you've written something you're satisfied with but find yourself a paragraph or two short of the page limit, this trick works every time. The only important thing to know about this tip is that if you're submitting the assignment electronically, you need save the essay as a PDF. Submitting the essay in a Word document opens you up to scrutiny and your professor will find out.
I sincerely hope these tips can help you as much as they've helped me. I wish I had an article like this one when I entered my freshman year! Let's be serious for a moment, a lot of these tips are shortcuts for hard work, and will never produce an essay on the same level as one produced out of hard work, grit, and tears. Though if you have to write three six-page papers in a week, you don't need to make it any harder on yourself. Life gets hectic, and students don't have time to pour 100% of themselves into every paper. That is what these tips are for. These tips help you to survive a college essay, nothing more. If you're looking to thrive, you'll have to read the book or something, there's no shortcuts for that. At least not yet.
