Dear XXXXX,
Since your letter is obviously not going to come in any time soon, I figured that I’ll just be my usual gracious self and write you back so that you don’t feel like a lonely little girl trapped inside the steel trap of her insecurities and fears. I’m talking about that boy right now, of course. That gives my first point: you’ve had bad luck with boys because, as you told me, you never seem to find a good match. I’ll just give you some advice now that’s super Asian and superbly un-American to clear up some misconceptions.
1. "Screw up" and "break up" are interchangeable phrases.
XXXXX, when you screw up something along the way in a relationship (be it a careless word or a careless action) it’s pretty normal. In fact, that presents an opportunity for you to test the mettle of the team you’ve found in whoever you’re interested in. I've noticed that over time, with too many soured relationships, people tend to assume that screwing up means that it’s the end of yet another era and the beginning of yet another breakup song. This brings me to my next point:
2. The missing piece theory: or rather, having only one shoe when you're looking for a wife.
You know how prince charming went around looking for a wife with FREAKING ONLY ONE SIZE OF SHOE??? I know that’s supposed to be romantic, but if you don’t cast your net a little wider, you are bound to have issues. Also, the preconceived notion many have when going out there is that whoever they find has to be more or less a good fit with them. That’s not true. I’m started out as an introverted, cynical, conniving, thought-driven schemer dating an extroverted, naïve, artless, emotionally-driven angel. A ton of crap was bound to go down between us. The thing about liking someone is that if you like that person enough, he would be worth changing for. She changed me for the better and I made her a tad shrewder (I hope). But we didn’t throw our hands up and call it a date (geddit? Call it a "day-te") because we had differences. There isn’t anyone out there who is perfect for you because we are all imperfect. We all have flaws. So at the end of the day, it’s about finding someone who makes you realize you need to change for the better, someone who you like enough that you would come to accept whatever imperfections he may have as you come to know him.
At this juncture I need to clarify to you that I am in no way trying to accuse you of doing any of the above mentioned. But I guess this would serve as a warning with myself as a good example of what happens if you don’t follow the above. I mean, I’m not single now, but I was single AF for 95% of high school. Not to say that I’m not outrageously handsome or irresistibly charming, but I just had a knack for proving others right about being a complete butthole.
By the way, personality SO counts.
But my biggest takeaway that you need to understand: It’s never a learning experience, it’s a painful waste of time and effort and too much emotional stress. That is not to say that you have to die alone. I guess I’m trying to say that maybe, in the midst of rushing into and out of relationships, you miss out on something else that relationships have to offer. It’s not just for the sake of a learning experience (gosh do those two words grind in my ear), it’s so that you can get to know the person that you potentially want to spend your life with. I’m often told that it’s not good to be too serious when you get into relationships, and I think that’s potentially the worst and most toxic advice you can get. Be serious, so that you either get seriously hurt, or potentially get to be with that prince on a white horse you’ve been looking for. High stakes, high returns.
But XXXXX, you have everything a guy could hope for in his wildest dreams. You are smart, funny, talented, blah blah blah and I’m sure all your friends tell you cheesy BS like this all the livelong day. But as far as I am concerned, you are someone who takes God seriously. Single or taken, that’s someone who deserves to be taken seriously. (See what I did there?)
Best Wishes,
For realsies tho, all the best with… whichever endeavor you undertake.
