The basic definition of a super hero is someone who goes around saving the world and fighting crime. A super villain is someone who creates mayhem. What happens when you are both the hero and the villain?

In my world, I am known to cause mayhem while being the one to pick up the pieces. In the moments of being the villain, I manage to remind myself how completely worthless I am. My trusty weapon is a silver razor that leaves red trails down the beautiful city streets. Destroying every building with a reason. I convince myself that everyone around finds me annoying and would be better off without me. I get desperate for an ounce of affection, for anything to save me from the life of turmoil.

Once I get someone to talk me out of any inch of destruction, I get defensive. I know it was exactly what I wanted but I struggle with craving opposites. I want to create a massive mess but I want people to still stay by my side when I do so. I rob my bank to buy material objects I would never use a day in my life. However, it creates a distraction of the pain I am secretly hiding. Every villain you read about has a reason for becoming a villain. The high that comes with destruction is enough to shove the past away.

Once the damage is done, the hero in me shines through to bandage the city that is burned to the ground. I am putting signs up to remind me that beauty is near. The people in hiding come out to help pick up the pieces but I don’t let them. This is a war only I can battle. I bandage the streets with caution tape until the pot holes are covered and healed. The buildings stitched together by promises of it not being bad the next time the villain comes out.

The hero in me is in love with a city that is constantly under attack. The sun comes out and I work for a scenery more beautiful than the last. The air is clear of the pollution once clogging the thoughts of sanity. The colors of the flowers I planted in what was once ash, are bright enough to shine out the sun. City hall beats with a purpose.

The world in which I am both the villain and the hero is known as borderline personality disorder. Borderlines are known for their black and white thinking along with massive mood swings.

The disorder is a road block every day; I wake up and it prevents me from having a stable life along with stable relationships. With the help of a therapist, I have learned to tame the villain and let my hero run the city.