In Christina Yang's final episode on Grey's Anatomy, she tells Meredith, "You are a gifted surgeon with an extraordinary mind. Don't let what he wants to eclipse what you need. He's very dreamy, but he is not the sun. You are." Being a hard-core Grey's fan, I never understood the significance of this quote. I never understood how powerful this quote is, and how relevant it is to every girl who is in a relationship, going through a breakup or that awkward "what are we?" stage. I didn't understand this quote until I felt less of a human, or more-so less of a woman, because of a boy's actions. He isn't the Sun. I am.
He doesn't define you
Sometime during the development of our society being in a relationship became the definition of a woman. It's almost a social status, like buying a Kate Spade Bag. I am not sure why this is such a norm of our society, but it is wrong. You don't need a man to be beautiful, intelligent, wanted, or spectacular. Getting a goodnight text doesn't set you apart from the girl who falls asleep alone. He won't build your resume, and he shouldn't be a definition in your life. YOU are you, with or without him. You can be happy and amazing without a guy holding your hand.
He doesn't control you
There is aside affect of being in a relationship that consumes us all at one point. It is letting a guy control us. I don't mean in an abusive sense of controlling, I mean in our thoughts, actions and how we spend our time. He might not even be the one doing it, it might be a small part of your brain and heart that focuses on him, and suddenly it spreads to all of you. You know this girl, she schedules her friends around what her boyfriend is doing. If her boyfriend doesn't want to go out, she doesn't either. She makes him a priority and suddenly you haven't spoken to her in three months. She stops making herself a priority. At the end of the day, you can't lose yourself in a guy. No matter if you plan on marrying him, or if you are in it for the moment. He can't consume you, and you can't let him. You are who you are no matter if he is there. So, go out with your friends, no matter if he is there or not.
He can't fix you
There is a thought I often have at 2 a.m. It's a thought that consumes me when I am missing a certain person and I feel broken and alone. He could fix this. This thought is usually followed by the knowledge that he was the one who put me in this mess in some way or another. The next thought I have is that, he can't fix my broken heart, he can't heal the scars, or take a way the pain. Maybe for a moment, but in the long term, a boy can't fix you. The ability to put together a broken heart comes from inside, it comes from the power of loving yourself and your life. That is what will heal you, not a new boy, or running back to your ex-boyfriend because, in order to heal, you must find the love you have for yourself not the love you have for another human or the love they have for you.
He doesn't control your happiness
A good feeling is that of feeling wanted and having someone who makes you happy. The absolute best feeling is when you are happy, and the only one controlling it is you. He doesn't control your happiness, you do. If you aren't happy alone, truly happy alone, you won't be happy with him. He doesn't get to decided if you are happy, he doesn't have that power. You are the only one who can control that. If he is gone, you can't still be happy. Your mood isn't controlled by the weather, or whether or not he texted you and asks you to hang out, or if he likes your Instagram photo. You must separate it, you must allow yourself to stand by yourself, even if you are with him. Allowing yourself to separate your mood, your wants, and your happiness from his is the best thing you can do.
He is not the sun
At the end of the day, he doesn't define you. He doesn't make you who you are. If he doesn't text you back, it doesn't make you any less amazing. You are the sun. You are the most powerful, bright and beautiful thing in your life. The sun never stops burning. It never stops creating light. The sun never stops doing what it was created for just because the moon only meets it occasionally. The sun never gets consumed by the opinion of the stars. It still rises and slays all day because it is the soul. Don't let him be your sun. Don't operate your life around him. No matter if he is there or not, you are powerful, you are amazing, and no matter what you do, a boy won't change that. He can only compliment you, not complete you.
