As the midpoint in my summer "vacation" approaches, I realize I have this overwhelming urge to stop this summer living; there is this urge to return my life back to normal. I want to go back to college. Summertime in elementary, middle and even high school was always the happiest and most exciting part of my year. Every summer, I'd become one year older, spend exorbitant amounts of time with my friends, stay up all night, sleep in in all morning, and the stresses of school would evaporate. All of these things can certainly still happen, and they often do, but now that I am in college, it doesn't truly feel like it. It's not the same. The summertime magic is gone.
Once you leave for nine months at a time for college, there is definitely an adjustment that happens. Think about it: you work and live as a full-time college student for the overwhelming majority of a year, and then, if you are like me, you come home for the summer. You drop almost everything that you have been doing for those nine months and just come home, almost living like you did as a child/high school student. Now it is not all a bad thing. There is a brief reprieve for three months where you can have a break from college and all of its stresses. But I've come to realize that instead of needing a break from college, I truly need a break from living back at home in my bustling, ever busy household. I love sleeping in my own bed, having home-cooked meals and seeing family members, but I begin to feel cagey after a month or two of that summer "vacation" living.
The strong sense of independence and freedom that you have living in another city individually is gone. I know a good portion of this sentiment is due to the fact that I am not yet completely self sufficient and independent. And once I do begin to "adult" full-time, this argument will not matter in the slightest. But for now, since I am not there yet, you would think that summer would still hold that feeling of wonder and elation as it did during childhood—and it simply doesn't.
Last summer, I felt the opposite of what I do now. Before last summer, I'd had a particularly trying semester, almost losing my scholarship money and struggling to stay in good academic standing. I was so ready to forget all about college, come home and return to that childlike form of living. I think I just needed to adapt and become accustomed to living and operating without someone holding my hand the entire time. Now that I am more stable and can see the finish line to my degree, I just want to keep going, I don't need or necessarily want this summer break I've been granted. The thought of finally having summertime after completing two semesters of (grade) school has lost its allure.
For me, as the Fourth of July nears, I take comfort in the fact that there is only one more month before I can return back to my normal.
