Recently a long-term relationship of mine ended, leaving me feeling empty inside. Instead of wallowing in my own pain, I decided I needed some sunshine in what seemed like a thunderstorm. After thinking for a while, I thought maybe boys weren't the solution, but instead I needed to date myself. As cheesy as that sounds, I need to self-heal, and I need to love me before I love anyone else ever again. I decided to dedicate this summer to loving me and being comfortable with the idea of being alone. I wanted to be OK with the fact that I walk the earth without a significant other. It sounds sad, but I wanted to be able to look in the mirror and love myself, even if someone else didn't; something I've always struggled with.
What exactly does it mean to love yourself? I've asked myself this probably a hundred times since I thought up this hiatus from boys. It sounds crazier and crazier every time I say, "I'm dating myself," but it means loving me, in all ways possible. Before I can truly love me, I have to figure out who I am. What makes my heart sing? What am I passionate about? What are my dreams? In answering those questions, I've uncovered parts of me I haven't known before. Experiences have driven me to find new loves and a new love for those parts of my persona. Instead of focusing on the hurt, I have focused on trying new things and pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I would have never eaten out or taken a walk at a park by myself, but I've found comfort in the time I get to myself. In those small periods of time, I have had the chance to think about what makes me truly happy. After all, love and happiness all occur within, and you're not truly in love with someone else if you don't love yourself.
When you're in a relationship with someone else, you constantly try to do something new and try to learn as much as you can about the other person. It's constantly a learning experience, and an exhilarating one at that. Dating yourself is an exploration as well, constantly a learning experience. It's scary at times, because just as if your were dating someone else, you may uncover something frightening that you don't like or you may uncover something you love. In the end, you learn that no matter what you uncover about yourself, the only person you can count on to always love you is yourself.
