Summer is approaching, and with summer often comes a "summer fling." The weather is beautiful, everyone's running around half-naked in bikinis and bathing suits, alcohol is flowing and Fourth of July parties are approaching.
This summer, I want to challenge you to find more than a "fling;" find something with substance, something meaningful, with potential.
Don't let yourself just be a "cool" story to talk about for a week; let yourself be something memorable, something that the future holds and something to talk about for a lifetime.
With the combination of the “hookup culture” we live in and the lack of commitment, this generation’s dating expectations have lowered, and standards have become more of an option or a bonus, rather than something we hold people to.
We often hear about divorce rates rising, couples being unfaithful to one another — on both sides – and people just trying to “act” a certain way to either get people to like them or to make themselves seem “cool.” But you know what’s not cool? Acting like you don’t care.
But here’s where it gets confusing. Girls don’t want to seem needy or “attached,” so as a defense mechanism, they act like they don’t care, and they act like certain things don’t bother them, when in reality, it’s tearing them apart. As a woman, we want to be viewed as strong and independent, as we are, but does this mean we need to hide our sensitivity and feelings along the way?
Why should people, male or female, get shamed for being emotional or showing their true feelings?
This has become such a popular epidemic these days. Let’s play the game of who can act like they care the least and see what happens. No, how about we act real toward each other and say how we feel? I don’t know when it became “lame” or when someone became “whipped” for acting like they cared about another person and their feelings, but we need to change that.
Stop settling for surface level relationships with no real substance. You are better than that, and you deserve more.
Not only is this behavior hurting your self-esteem, but it’s hurting the way you perceive relationships. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love "The Bachelor" and am 100 percent obsessed, but is it normal or healthy to date 25 people at once? Do we think it’s right to date several other people, getting involved on physical and emotional levels, leaving others hurt and confused? Dating and reality shows on TV are usually for TV purposes — not real life scenarios. Dating 25 people in real life (and even on "The Bachelor") is crazy and hurtful. This behavior has to stop. Along the way, we forgot other people have feelings. too.
I’m going to rip my hair out if I hear, “Oh she caught the sickness,” or “Haha, he caught the feels for sure,” one more time. I don’t get it. What is wrong with catching feelings for someone you’re hooking up with? Isn’t that the point? Why get romantically involved with someone you don’t even like? Maybe my brain is wired differently, but I can’t even imagine leading someone on so far; if I kiss you or hold your hand, I’m not kidding, I mean it. Your current "relationships" or whatever they are these days, are your trial runs, the practice for your potential life partner, am I wrong?
Constantly, I see and hear girls talking about how they want to find their “prince charming,” but ladies, how are you going to find your prince when you’re too busy kissing all the frogs? “All guys are the same.” No, this isn’t true. Maybe all the guys you’re going for are the same, but there are plenty of fish in the sea, along with plenty of sharks, and they bite hard.
But the bottom line here is a one night stand doesn’t make you girlfriend material (or boyfriend material), and if you settle for that type of thing, you’ll never find your prince or “bring home to ma” type of girl. Respect is earned not expected. If you want to be seen as more than a FWB or a booty call, then you need to let it be known you want more. People need some guidance; we can’t read minds.
And hey, there’s nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality and doing whatever you want. It’s your life, and who am I to tell anyone what to do? You only live once and you’re young, so do as you please. All I’m trying to say is sex doesn’t mean love, and love doesn’t mean sex. I know that’s a hard concept to understand, but it’s true. Sex is thrown around these days like no big deal with no commitments or ties.
What ever happened to making someone wait, earning it? What happened to the idea that sex was important and should be shared with someone you view as important. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I want to be valued — not desired. You can “want” someone you haven’t even met, but to be “needed” is what’s really special.
Guys, you’re not innocent here, either. I have a lot of guy friends, and they will admit to me and our friends that they’re “feelin'” a girl, but they would never tell her because then she’ll lose interest, the “game” won’t be as good or the infamous, “I just want to keep my options open.”
That is a concept I can’t wrap my head around because if I were in that girl’s position, I’d be constantly wondering if I’m wasting my time or if he wasn’t serious about me.
It’s simple. If you like someone, tell them. Don’t leave them guessing because you never know when they’ve had enough of wondering and waiting around. The saying really is true. You don’t know what you have, 'til it’s gone. If you want more from someone, tell them! We’re only humans. We can’t possibly know what someone is thinking at all times.
Stop letting yourself settle for “relationships” without labels or commitments. Expect more, and you will receive more. Stop making excuses for shitty people, and start accepting the fact that maybe they're just not worth your time.
And if you don’t want a full-blown relationship, maybe you're just looking for someone to “kick it with” and hang out with, then just say it. All great things come with time, and good things come to those who wait; those aren’t just sayings for people to post on Twitter or Instagram – they’re actually true.
So my advice to you, Generation Y, is to dig deeper, get to know someone. Raise your standards and expectations. Be confident in yourself, and if you find yourself second guessing a new “relationship” or hookup, then it’s probably time to voice your opinions or hit the road. Stop letting yourself be “second best” or “also ran.” Stop settling for a "fling" with goodbyes. If you want more, then take the initiative and get what you deserve. Good luck out there. Challenge accepted.
