To all of the outsiders who come to Florida for vacation, I hope you enjoy your time in the sun, sand and waiting in long lines at Walt Disney World. And to all who call Florida home year round, I say: hang in there! Summer will be over by October or November!
1. Beware of Pavement in the Afternoon
As the sun rises higher and higher in the sky so does the temperature. And as most people know, the color black absorbs heat. So by mid day, you better not be walking around barefoot in the beach parking lot or your feet will be just as burnt as the rest of your body.
2. It rains. A lot. And Your Street May Become a River.
Almost every afternoon, it storms. It's something every Floridian is used to. But sometimes you may get a tropical storm or just a particularly bad batch of storms that drops more rain than usual and lower lying areas turn into rivers.
3. Walt Disney World Becomes a Hot and Congested Tourist Trap
The 'Most Magical Place on Earth' in the summer time becomes about 10x busier than usual. The lines for big attractions such as Splash Mountain can be hours long as temperatures rise into the 90's. Most Floridians will wait until September or October to take on parks as temperatures will have cooled off and kids have gone back to school.
4. Aloe Will Become Your Best Friend
If you are outside for any long period of time, especially the beach, pool or any open space without shade you will get sunburnt. Hopefully, you're smart enough to wear sunscreen or you'll end up like Stewie begging to be covered in aloe.
5. The Man Pictured Below is Your Savior
The man pictured is Mr. Willis Carrier, the inventor of air conditioning. May we always remember the man who made Florida a livable state. Kinda.
6. Knowing Which Color Comes First Will Save You
Snakes are everywhere in Florida and quite a few are venomous. Its especially important during the summer when you're outside in the grass to keep an eye out. Make sure you remember this rhyme: 'Red touch yellow, kill a fellow.' 'Red touches black, friend of Jack.'
7. Mosquitoes Are the Spawn of Satan. Especially After Rain
Mosquitoes love wet conditions. So not only do you deal with rain, but immediately after you're dealing with the constant threat of getting bitten by a mosquito and the itchiness that comes with it. Just plain awful.
8. When a Storm is Headed Our Way, We Panic and Buy Up the Grocery Store.
When you turn on the news and the weather man says there is a hurricane or tropical storm that looks like it may be a direct hit to Florida, people rush to the store and buy all the water bottles, bread and canned goods they can get their hands on. Two days later the storm has veered off course from Florida. Well at least you can make sandwiches for weeks to come.
9. Sweat Stains are the Worst.
Even though it feels like hell has taken over, it still is not socially acceptable to wear bathing suits every where you go especially not to work. If you're lucky, you're inside for most of the day but even the walk to your car can be brutal.
10. Park Your Car in a Shady Spot
I will honestly walk a few extra feet if it means my car is parked in the shade. Not only does your car get extremely hot, but your steering wheel and anything else leather in your car will become hot to the touch. Unless you plan on letting your car cool down for a good 5-10 minutes, parking in the shade is the only way to go.
