Ah, summer. Three months filled with the promise of adventure, lifelong memories and steamy flings . . . What lying sack of potato skins narrated that nightmare? We all know how our summers are going to realistically turn out and yet we hold onto the dream that this time we'll actually leave our rooms (Hint: we won't).
Here are several oh-so-common summer expectations paired with the more truthful realities.
Recommended for you
I blame Nicholas Sparks . . . Then again, I usually do.
Expectation: You'll spend every other week at an amazing outdoor festival. Your Snapchat story is about to be LIT and you've already imagined what you'll look like in your new festival gear.
Reality: You're going to debate going to at least one before forfeiting that idea. You find solace by tuning into Pandora's EDM channel to dance off that regret alone.
Expectation: You're going to workout so hard that your summer body will legitimately stop traffic and make grown men cry. Your rock hard abs will crack open all the lobster and crabs you eat that season.
Reality: You'll stare at Fitspo and eat multiple bags of BBQ chips (worth it). You might try a few crunches one day but decide it's too hot to exercise. You'll reward those crunches with a Klondike bar.
Expectation: Road Trip! Cue the montage of lifelong BFF'S jamming to your specially made CD mix. You'll finally get to cross off all the cities on your list!
Reality: You'll go on your annual family vacation in the next state over. Phil Collins and Talk Radio will be played during the drive down. The highlight of the trip will be mini golf.
Expectation: You have three months to become an expert in a new hobby. That ossobucco you've been eyeing online? You're totally going to master it this summer.
Reality: You give it the old college try . . . Meaning you try once, remember that skill takes effort and totally bail. I mean who eats ossobucco in summer?
Expectation: Your tan is going to glow brighter than every highlighter you own combined!
Reality: You burn on the first day. Oh, it hurts so bad. Please don't touch my lobster skin.
Expectation: You're totally going to take advantage of this warm weather by spending time outdoors. Maybe you'll go on a hike or run briskly across the beach! I don't know why you're going to run briskly across the beach but by God, it will happen!
Reality: You decide to spare your hair the humidity and stay inside . . . Where there is internet and air conditioning. How considerate of you!
The countdown begins now. You have two months and three weeks to turn these expectations into reality! Oh, don't get me wrong, i'm not actually putting all of my eggs in that basket. I just want to remind you that there is still time . . . Just like there will be time next summer.
Whatever you're doing, I hope it is air conditioned, slightly seasonal and within the confines of your own home.
Put one of those tiny umbrellas in your drink tonight! Ah, festive.
Summer 2016 is about to get slayed.
