Today was a sad day for me, but it was a necessary one.
I have a friend who is extremely depressed. He talks of leaving this world, of the pain being too much. He tells me it hurts, and I, helpless, scared and confused, and am at a loss for words. How can I understand pain so profound? What can I say to a hurt so deep? I do not understand, but I try. I cry. I lie, telling him that yes, it will get better, but how can I know that? I say that I know what he's going through, but I don't. Words seem meaningless, smiles, gestures, hugs — all lost in the wind.
Today, in class, we watched a video. It's called SOS. It was a suicide prevention video, one from maybe the early 2000s and I could tell: boys with overly gelled hair, girls in very loose khakis. They talked about depression, suicide, about how to help. Tell someone, they said, over and over. Tell someone. Tell someone. I sat, petrified. What was I to do? He wouldn't want it. No, he would hate me. It would make things worse. It would break apart his family, his friends, his whole life. How could I do that to him?
But I couldn't not do that to him. I needed to tell someone. This is serious, I have to tell someone. The video kept talking about funerals. Death and funerals. Crying mothers and friends who should have seen the signs. I didn't just see the signs. He handed them to me on a plate with a diagram and labels. He exuded signs. Someone must know. Someone who knows what to do.
After the video, as everyone else giggled over the narrator's bad haircut and talked about how all those videos were so outdated and unhelpful, I sat with the slip of paper in front of me. Are you or a friend at risk of suicide? it asked, straight to the point, with two boxes to the right. I faltered. I checked the "no" box. He wouldn't want me to tell. I erased it. I checked the "yes" box. I erased it. For five minutes, I sat, struggling. Finally, in strokes so faint you could barely see them, I checked the "yes" box, wrote his name, and turned it in before I lost the courage.
Today was a sad day, but a necessary one. Today, I did the right thing.
If you or someone you know wants to harm yourself or others, please call this number immediately to receive assistance: 1-800-273-8255
