Dear sweet human,
I'm sorry you're stuck in the opaque darkness of your life, buried deep in the hole of sadness. I know what you're thinking, one jump and it's over, one more pill and you're free, one shot and you're done.
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It's a simple fix, a one you've been contemplating for awhile. What if I told you it's not worth it? Your life is a whole world, and you are important. Your feelings matter, your actions matter, YOU MATTER, sweet human!
I've been there, standing at the sixth story window, and lord I wanted to jump. With one push I could whip away everything like walking in the snow and covering my footsteps. With one push I could erase my life from the board. With one push it could all be over.
Yet I didn't, the fear of having this thought, this want to end everything scared me. It scared myself that I had this much power, to end my life with one action. It scared me into asking for help. And I thank heaven and earth for that fear.
I recall feeling guilty my senior year that I could feel this way. I lived a completely perfect life, my parents loved me, I had amazing friends, and I knew I had so much potential. On the outside I was sketching out my future, but on the inside I was planning my funeral.
I remember sitting through therapy sessions hearing the same things being said like a broken record. The only thing I held onto is a story, about a guy who fell into a hole and couldn't get out. A doctor walks by and the guy shouts, "Hey, doctor! I'm stuck in this pit can you help me?" The doctor writes a prescription and throws it into the hole and keeps walking.
Then a clergy member walks by and the guy yells, "Hey I'm stuck in this hole will you help me?" and the clergy member writes a prayer and tosses it into the hole.
Then his friend walks by and he says, "Frank! I'm stuck in this hole can you help me?" Frank jumps in the hole, and the guy shouts, "What the hell are you doing now we are both stuck." Frank says, "I know but I've been here before and I know the way out."
Sweet human, it's common to feel helpless, but there is always a way out, always another answer to the problem. I firmly believed that the only way to solve my troubles was to take myself out of the equation, but now I know that to be false.
I thank heaven and earth every minute that I didn't take my life that warm September day. My life matters, I am important, and so are you.
This pain to shall pass, you're going to come out on top, and in a year from now you'll share your story with someone on how you survived.
I believe in you sweet human.
Love,
Sarah Goldblum
A surviver
