As someone who was born and raised in a small town, I have learned a lot of things about life. I have learned that you will end up knowing everyone else who lives in your hometown, or will have connections to them. I have learned that rumors about people will make their way to you, even if you’re not close to them.

Most importantly, I have learned that your actions will have strong consequences because everyone will know who you are, or will know someone you know.

The high school I graduated from has suffered two suicides this past year. Last year, they lost another student. I have seen how the grief of these losses has impacted the students, both through social media and through my work as a substitute teacher. It’s a difficult thing for anyone to experience, but it’s especially hard at a small-town high school when you know the names of most of the students you pass in the halls.

My hometown this week has been rocked by a post shared online of a student at a nearby school making a joke regarding these suicides that happened at my former high school.

Faces have been blurred out to respect those involved.

Most of the people that have responded to this post have been angry, have lashed out against the student himself, and have offered further support to those who are still grieving or were hurt by the post in some way. I tried to share my thoughts about the post on Facebook. I started a number of drafts and tried to mold my thoughts into words, but it was hard to do so without going on a huge tangent. I’m still not sure if I can fully speak my mind on the matter, but I’m going to try.

I, personally, have an experience with suicide. When I was 9, I had a cousin who committed suicide. I never met this cousin, but it still hurt to hear that he had taken his own life. I also could tell how it impacted my family. It took my aunt a long time to be able to talk about her son after that happened. I can still tell it’s hard for her to talk about him from time to time, which will never change. Knowing this pain that my aunt and others has gone through makes it hard for me to believe that someone, especially in my hometown, would joke about the loss that others have faced.

I don’t want to judge this student harshly for his actions. He has since apologized for what happened, and is being dealt with accordingly. Plus, I don’t know him personally nor do I know what kind of life he has had. It would be unfair on all grounds to make any comments about this student, and I think that’s something we should all remember, no matter how upset we may be about what was said. At the same time, I think there is a very important lesson that can be learned from this experience: be careful what you say online, because anything that you post on social media can and likely will be used against you. It doesn’t matter if you’re sending a tweet or Snapchatting your friends. Everything you post online will find its way back to haunt you.

Also, remember that suicide is not a joke. There are families and friends of these students that are still grieving every day because they will not be able to see these kids anymore. There are also people who continue to feel suicidal every day, and by joking about their pain, we are sending the message that their pain is minimal. We need to be mindful of them and their pain, because it’s a pain that doesn’t go away.