My final week of high school, during what should have been the most exciting time of my young life, I had a mental breakdown.

I know what some people are thinking,

"Big deal, I have them all the time!"

"Oh yeah, me too. I cried so much last week."

"I was super depressed last week when I failed my test! I know what you went through!"

I wish that were the case, but the truth is, I have been suffering from various forms of panic attacks since I was 6 years old. In first grade, I was diagnosed with separation anxiety then re-diagnosed a few months later with generalized anxiety disorder. I went to a psychiatrist and he helped me to learn how to cope with it and eventually it went away for a little bit. When I was 14 and in high school, my mental health took a rapid turn for the worse. I was severely depressed and constantly anxious throughout all of high school. I remember never wanting to get out of bed in the morning and face the day. I was dreading anytime I had to do any social event with my friends. I remember sitting in class thinking of new ways to get out of being there. It was horrible, constantly sitting in my own thoughts.

The breakdown my final week of high school was different. It was the darkest time of my life. During this time, I learned about the various disorders I had been suffering from for the past few years. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, an eating disorder, as well as a mild case of Borderline Personality Disorder. I cried when I was diagnosed. All this time I had just thought I was crazy.

It's been almost two years now. After weekly therapy, a few horrible months when I took medication, and a whole lot of hard work, I can wholeheartedly profess that I'm happy now. I still have moments where I can feel everything creeping back up. It will take much longer for it to be gone forever. It's different now, of course; I know exactly what to do, and how to handle my own thoughts.

I'm tired of trying to hide my mental health. I was conditioned to never tell others what was going on but I'm not ashamed of it. I see on social media all the time where people try to get attention for having a pretend disorder. These people try to pretend that it's cool to deal with serious mental health disorders. When I see these types of posts, I can feel my blood boil.

"Ugh, I'm so OCD!! I had to like have all of my books in color order haha"

"I'm so anxious about this movie!! It's going to be so good!!

"Last week I was so depressed that I didn't even get out of bed on Sunday."

"Look how skinny she is!! I bet she has an eating disorder. Maybe if she just ate something she would get better."

There are so many others I could talk about. But I specifically chose these. (Of course everyone is different, take my experience as my own and no one else's.)

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder isn't just that you like to stay organized and clean. It can be making sure that you locked the doors seven times each, or touching the door handle three times before leaving the room. It can be counting all 238 books, 36 knobs, 9 shelves, 5 statues, 3 diplomas, 3 chairs, 1 window, 1 door, in your psychologists office. It can be washing your forearms until they're raw. It can be simple thoughts over and over and over, that stupid little voice that won't stop no matter how much you scream.

Anxiety isn't worrying about whether the popular kid in school likes you. It's kind of like being trapped inside a haunted house, right when you know you're about to be scared... except that feeling constantly and intensified by the dozen. It's like this giant black piece of clay wrapped around my chest, except it gets tighter every time I move or breathe or think. It's kind of like watching yourself in a movie and not really having any control over what you're doing or saying or reacting. Anxiety attacks are physically and mentally exhausting.

Depression is so much more than any of its sufferers ever let on. It's putting on a smile and going into work every day even if you can only last 4 hours where you can finally escape to a bathroom to let go and separate from the world completely. It's not being able to clean your disgusting room for months on end because you just don't have the energy to and hating yourself for that. It's sitting in the bathtub with the water dripping down your face and you're crying your eyes out so no one can hear or see you. It's a giant 30 foot well that you've fallen down and everyone is looking down on you telling you to just get up.

An eating disorder isn't just a skipping meal once. It's sitting at Thanksgiving dinner with your family and, even though German Chocolate cake is your favorite, you know you already had your allotted amount of food for the day and you can't eat anymore. It's looking in the mirror and seeing things on your body that aren't there. It's sitting at your birthday dinner with your girlfriend at a nice restaurant and not being able to eat, and even though your stomach is growling, your brain is telling you that you're ungrateful and fat. It's forcing food down while crying because you can't disappoint her again.

All of these things are not what the media portrays them as. They are intense and they can ruin relationships. Mental health is something that needs to be addressed in schools without it being taboo. It is not something be taken lightly or joked about. They are real, terrifying, and something I wish didn't exist. 43.8 million adults experience mental illness in a given year. You may be one of them. Together, we can help destroy the stigma that still surrounds mental health disorders.