On November 10, 2016, I got the extreme urge to clean and change my whole entire bedroom. For a while now, it has been bothering me. Old posters of bands, stickers, and old notes I will never read again cluttered my walls and space, leaving me claustrophobic and feeling like I have no room. However, I got the urge and energy to actually take everything down and start fresh, as well as display old memories from my childhood. Since I am not allowed to repaint my room, I did my best to make it seem brand new and de-cluttered.

I got the urge to deep clean my room at around nine o'clock at night. I was hesitant to clean because it might take me all night, but I have had enough. I started with the top of my drawers, which was full of pictures and candles and useless things taking up space. Next, I took down all of my posters and stickers on my wall with the help of a family friend, Becky. After getting this far, there was no going back. I made several piles across my floor; some to throw away and others to store in my basement just for the sake of saving space. Once I cleared the top of my dressers, I started with my bookshelf and continued with my vanity/desk. The whole process only took two to three hours, and I felt great afterwards.

Now, there is a reason I am writing about deep cleaning my room. I'm not some person who cleans for fun; I usually clean when the mess bothers me or I clean to help with my anxiety so I can stay busy. In this instance, it was a mixture of both, but I found something else whilst cleaning my room: my room is a symbol for my life. Sure, my room is still messy, but it looks better than every before and reflects who I am by showing off my interests.

My room is like my life. This past month, my life has been "messy" with going to a new school, new friends, an end of relationships, and finding a new sense of self worth. My life has been all over the place, with me having different opinions about myself. My room was cluttered and messy, it did not look good nor was it taken care of; however, I cleaned up my room when I realized I have had enough. I wanted it to change; I wanted my room to look nice and open and hopefully I can fill it with twinkle lights soon. As I was cleaning my room, I was reflecting. I was also cleaning up my life. I was starting to take care of myself by using coping skills for my anxiety and stress, and I have found a new sense of self worth and a new attitude (shout out to my sister!). I kept a bunch of memories in my room through the cleaning process, and I am still going to reminisce about old memories with people. I threw away things that were just taking up space and had no purpose, and I saved the things I treasure.

Cleaning my room was a metaphor for my life. It's not completely mess-free, but it is getting better. I am taking care of my room-- I am taking care of myself. Sure, one day I hope things change and go back to how they used to be, but I can't control that. I can't control other people, but I can control my life and my attitude. The best I can do right now I change what I can, and hope for the best in the future.