Some of you may not care about football, and most of you don’t care about the Detroit Lions, but I happen to have been a Lions fan for my entire life, and they have been a tumultuous and disappointing team to follow. Great stats stick out in my mind -- like being the first football team to lose all 16 regular season games, or going 44 consecutive games without taking a knee on the final possession, or not winning a national championship since eight years before the Super Bowl even existed. 

This season, I am optimistic, again, but here are a few nuances,  that show me that they are what us Michiganders refer to as, “the same ol’ Lions.”

Nate Burleson, WR, broken arm. Nate Burleson no longer plays for the Lions, but his 2013 season-ending injury was stupid enough to make my list. Burleson drove his Suburban into a wall on an empty Detroit freeway, late at night, and suffered a broken arm. You are probably wondering if he was drunk driving and whether Roger Goodell slapped him with a financially disastrous, $15, player misconduct fine. No. Nate Burleson was perfectly sober and was actually attempting to save a slice of pizza that had fallen off his passenger seat, resulting in what is (to my knowledge) the worst car accident ever caused by a pizza. My advice for Lions players: get delivery.

Stephen Tulloch, LB, torn ACL. Stephen Tulloch is a nine-year veteran who has played in 131 straight games without injury. During week three of the 2014 season, after a beautiful sack on the overrated Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers, Tulloch celebrated. He jumped high and mid-air “discount-double checked” with Rodgers still on the ground. After his hilarious sack celebration, Tulloch landed and promptly collapsed with a torn ACL. This may go down as the worst discount double check injury of all time. My advice? I don’t really have any… it was pretty funny.

Joseph Fauria, TE, sprained ankle. The un-drafted free agent, known for his iconic touchdown celebrations and goofy demeanor, was mysteriously listed as inactive for week four with an ankle injury. Rumors were abundant, and a few days later it was revealed that Fauria had fallen on his ankle while chasing his pomeranian husky mix puppy through his home. Apparently, the dog was going to pee on the hardwood floors, and in his haste Big Joe’s foot, in a sock, slipped on the wood and he went down. This is definitely one of the better NFL headlines involving a dog.

These players spend their careers playing the most violent professional sport. They torment their bodies with rigorous conditioning and massive hits, week after week. And, true to the Lions, they then screw it up in a cloud of hilarity like only the Detroit Lions can do.

Follow me on twitter @DontTreadOnMe93.