Girls, lets have a chat. I don't know if this happens to you, but it sure happens to me. It was brought to my attention over thanksgiving break. I come home and in the slew of questions about college and classes the question: "so, Peyton, who is the lucky boy for this time of year?" The question sounds mean, but it's fine, my family just knows me. And you know what? I. DONT. HAVE. ONE. Seriously, NOT ONE. A few prospects, but it's the same story different day. "I don't want anything serious", and EVERYONE knows what that means...
"It will get better in college" they said. "The boys will get more mature as they grow up" they said. "College is going to be a candy store when it comes to boys" they said. WELL, if by candy store they mean bottom of the barrel, 59 cent, off brand, been there for too long, nasty candy in a run down gas station in the middle of nowhere , then, yes. That has been the MAJORITY of the boys I have interacted with this year (we will include since I have graduated from high school, because there has been some funny stuff that happened in the summer too).
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I want to clarify that not EVERY boy who I've hung out with has been horrible... in fact some of them have been perfect gentlemen and to them I SAY THANK YOU SO MUCH. You guys are too sweet, but I can't write a funny article about the stupid/ crude things you've said to me, because you haven't said anything stupid or crude for me to write about.
AS FOR THE REST OF YOU: get. your act. together. NOW. Seriously, I want to call some of your mothers and tell them the things you say to girls so they can beat some manners into you. I KNOW they didn't raise you to act like this.
Also, I realized that the boy who I like the most, the one who I've been seeing for the longest, makes up quite a few of the things on the list. BUT ITS FINE, IM FINE. I just need to reevaluate my life, listen to some Rhianna, and move on. ITS FINE.
So girls, if you're in the same place as me, know we can make it through this together. Read these funny texts, see these funny gifs, take note of my sassy responses, and know we gon' be ok. We're gonna laugh, get our self respect back, and next week I'll write a list of funny break up songs all music genres can enjoy that you can listen to and move on from.
If you're not in that boat, I hope you enjoy the sheer immaturity and crudeness of some mans I've talked to this year. Because really, its laughable.
1) Girls Apparently notorious late sleepers..
WHAT? WHEN DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN? SINCE WHEN HAS THIS BEEN A THING? AND WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO A GIRL?
2) Really, I'm Terrified
4) Stand by for the rest ....
the rest of the message: "sit home and cry because YOU, my dear, desperate friend, are uninterested. BYE"
5) Should we really though?
Sorry, I don't have a picture of this one, so, I'll describe it. So this boy, I went to high school with him and we were friends on snapchat. We have met and talked maybe once. We didn't even say hi to each other in the hallway.
So the end of the year and the boys WENT FERRAL. I swear everyone just went crazy and started trying to get with everyone else, it was gross. I managed to avoid a lot of it, but I got a snapchat from the aformentioned boy. What did it say? Three words
We should f-_- ( see what I did there, with the face? HA! I'm clever).
But yes, I'm glad you think I have low enough standards to react with " OH MY GOD, YES, I MUST HAVE YOU RIGHT NOW" no, he got blocked.
6) Life advice for you males
He was seriously asking me out. Pro tip: saying "now that your legal" when seriously asking a girl out probably won't work out in your favor. Just saying.
7) I don't know how to title this one. It baffles me
SO, again, not a text, but it's an interesting story none the less.
So I met this boy my first week because he messaged me on Facebook and asked me to hangout with him. I said yes, so he comes and gets me from my dorm and takes me to his friends house. They were all pre gaming for a party so I just kind of hung about in the background. About an hour goes by and his friend is like "ok we're gonna go" and I had no idea what they were talking about. They asked me to go to a frat party with them, two boys, my first week at school, at about midnight. That is obviously not a great situation so I politely decline. I go to leave and this boy DOESN'T WALK ME BACK TO MY DORM. At midnight. In Richmond. When I don't know my way around. Nice.
8) Part 2
Fast forward a few weeks and he asked me to go to dinner, that he said he would pay for and I said I couldn't. Later that day I was hanging out with my best friend and she starts telling me all about this guy who is into the same stuff as the boy I had been hanging out with and who had the same name and WHO ASKED HER OUT TO DINNER AFTER I SAID NO. So, the next day I went out with him (after my friend had her turn). And he didn't pay. We don't talk anymore.
9) My personal Favorite
No, he wasn't joking. No, my answer wasn't LET ME COME OVER RIGHT NOW. It just wasn't appropriate to show.
10) R-E-S-P-E-C-T
The last two times I've hung out with this guy, he has been texting another girl the whole time. Really, guys, even if you aren't serious with a girl, this is so disrespectful. I felt so irrelevant and unimportant. It's hurtful. No strings attached isn't synonymous with disrespectful.
11) The one with the toe
This one is one where I got rejected (it happens, what can I say). I showed interest in this guy, and he didn't reciprocate. That's cool, it didn't bother me too much. At the party where I found this out, I stubbed my toe and ripped off my cuticle. If you haven't done this IT HURTS. A LOT. And, when you walk on it after it hurts more, and it hurts when people step on it. Well after that happened to my toe, I was in my friends room crying into a pillow because it hurt. And I would tear up again when people stepped on it. Well, this guy thought I was crying over him. I was walking around with a bloody toe and he thought I was upset because he didn't like me. DO YOU NEED TO SEE MY BLOODY CUTICLE SIR? LET ME SHOW YOU MY BLOODY CUTICLE.
12) Hairstyle help
Aaaannd we roll to a stop with this
me: sometimes I want to cut all my hair off
him: nah, don't do that
me: why?
him: You'll look like a lesbian, and I won't like you anymore
me:.... I'm gonna do it
him: ok well, like all the girls, who've done that before you you'll find out I won't like you any more and you can call me again when your hair grows out if you don't look like a lesbian.
me:
me:
ME:
As my father says "What do I always tell you? Teenage boys are the dumbest animal on the face of the planet".
Please, boys, get yourselves together.
