Last week, my mom met her childhood friend whose daughter is the same age as me and we were friends since elementary. Mom asked where her daughter was. She said her daughter was working part time at a cafe shop, then she ended with "unlike some rich one whose daughter is enjoying her life."
What do you mean?
The lady and my mom were neighbors since they were kids. I know after independence, everyone was poor. There was not even enough food to eat. Everyone suffered from severe poverty. My grandparents’ family was the probably worst in the neighborhood. So technically my mom and the lady came from the same background. So what makes the difference now that she was “blaming” us for? Sorry that my mom studied and worked harder so she got a better job? Sorry that I was more focused in my academics so I got scholarship to study abroad?
From the first day since I started my life in the US, every single person talked to me with the attitude as if my life was going to be fulfilled from then on, that my family was rich and that I would just be enjoying my life, unlike them, who have to keep “suffering” from the harsh and unrealistic education system from home.
Who says the academics are easier?
You might have heard every single Asian said that math was a piece of cake. They probably referred to middle school and early high school math courses. As soon as you reach senior year with those AP Calculus and college math classes, an A is hard to maintain. But that is just math. Have you ever thought of history, literature and other courses? In a totally different language? Have you thought about sport/physical education requirement? Do you know how struggling most Asians are to complete the physical requirements because most Asians never play sports in our entire life? Even when you think you do, our physical strength is nothing compared to those of Western students and their standards.
Who says kids who study abroad are rich?
I come from a middle class family. So do a lot of students who study abroad. You never know how long ago my mom had to start her saving in order to make it to this day. Money does not just randomly fall from the sky. You don’t know how many better schools I, and other students, had to deny because they don’t give us enough scholarship. Just a few weeks ago, the Vietnamese news wrote about a girl who had full four-year scholarship to Harvard; she was my elementary school friend. But a significantly impressive thing about her is that she is a daughter of a cleaner. The message here is that you cannot blame your conditions. I’m not saying everyone must push hard to Harvard or any Ivy League. There are more than 4,000 colleges in the US; if you try hard enough, there is always a place for you.
Who says we will just be "enjoying" our life?
Everyone thinks overseas, kids must be partying every night, going shopping every weekend, eating fancy food and going to luxurious places. I don’t even know where those ideas came from. I hope you realize one thing: that when you live with your parents, they provide for you. When we live by ourselves, we provide for ourselves, which means we have to be as economical as possible and apply to all jobs that we are eligible for to help pay off life burden. Especially when the living cost in the States is so much higher.
Of course, you can see the US is where all the pretty clothes and cosmetics you’re dreaming of come from. But that does not mean we will be shopping all day. An Asian dish in the states is three to eight times more expensive than is it in Asia, not to mention “luxurious” restaurants. The fact that all of us are best friends with instant noodles is the truth; I’m not exaggerating. Without much explanation, you can understand why. You know the struggle is real when you think think instant noodles are more delicious than Western food.
Don’t imagine our life as always going out because it is not easy, especially for international students. America is enormous; it is not like in Asia (or Vietnam) where you exit your house, take a few steps and immediately see a bunch of food stalls on the street. Transportation and money are the musts. Most US schools aren’t in the center of the city. Driving from 30 mins to two hours is pretty common. It’s pretty inconvenient to travel, and I’m not willing to give up that precious time when studying is already tough enough.
But the most important thing of all that people often forget to mention is adaptation. Coming to the place that is half the world away, which has a totally different culture and language, is it going to be easier for anyone to live there? I was lucky enough to not suffer from any severe discrimination or bullying, but I know a lot of people do, including my friends. When you think it is pretty easy to deal with “homesick” because you’re too grown up, it is not. When you think language barrier isn’t a thing, just wait until you have to debate or argue with someone, when blood rapidly rushes to your brain and immediately you can think of no English word.
If you’re an adult, would you dare to send your treasury reckless teenager thousand miles away from home alone? If you’re a still young and dreaming about some rosy "'Murican life," ask yourself if you have ever carried more than 50 pounds (23 kilograms) of personal belongings for at least a mile and up stairs, cleaned up your house, cooked your own meal, paid your own rent, took care of your own self when you are sick or stood up alone when you fall, because there will be most likely no one around. Friends are trustful, but friends can’t handle your pain or solve your problems. If you are over 18, the answer for could be yes to some of these questions, but if you’re under 18, I believe most answers would be a no. A lot of students flew to the States alone and started their independent life with tears and struggle when they were just 14. Thus, don't sneer at us and say that our life would just be chilling.
And so many more prejudices!
Earlier this summer, I met another mom’s friend’s daughter who is also the same age as me. After the talk, she told her mom that I was so friendly because she was thinking of overseas students as arrogant, stuck-up people. That mindset though. I have heard this from other people too. They think of us as people who are afraid to take challenges and feared of contracting dirty stuffs because they think we are so used to the “sparkling” life where everything is clean and we don’t have to do anything. Why don’t you think of us as people who actually have to deal with more obstacles and difficulties, thus we would be more open, humble and willing to take risks? From the past years til now, I easily receive comments such as, “You live in the US, so why is your skin so much darker than your sister’s?” or, “Let’s go to this place; you have no worries about finance because you’re rich.” I was pissed, upset, but now it’s become too common that I would just laugh off.
I admit that maybe I’m luckier that I was "blessed" with the chance to study in a better country. But that "chance" does not come from nowhere or from the sky. Everything is a result of hard work and perseverance. You don’t know how many times I failed scholarships before I came to the US. Not once, twice or thrice. Well maybe I was not that good, but I learned to stand up and kept trying. Writing this does not mean I am complaining about life in the US. I’m just sending the message that the reality is not like what most people at home are (still) thinking and assuming. It’s not dreamy, it’s not heavenly. It’s rocky and challenging. But as a young adult, my purposes, as well as other overseas students’, isn’t to seek for a joyful life but to get a good education and graduate with a valuable degree. You can tell me that there are families that are truly well-off, but if their children come for education purposes, the challenges their children have to face are no different. Don’t just look at someone’s social media and conclude. No one wants to show the bad sides of the matters.
