Arlington, TX- Researchers released new studies this past weekend showing that cats, no matter what age or level of cuteness, are literally always evil. The studies, done by myself with the tiny kitten I've recently adopted, showed that even the adorable little kittens you see on the internet are almost always either actively pouncing on my hands and feet, or stalking me from the counter tops, plotting my demise.

When asked about the results of the observations, Nibbler the cat, the 10 week old kitten who was subject of my research, replied, "I am a cat, and do not speak English." Unfortunately the interview with the kitten in question was not completed, as she became distracted by a toy mouse, which was lying motionless on the floor. Nibbler was later found viciously attacking my hand as I began typing this article.

There is one brief instance, however, where kittens become the warm, cuddly little creatures you wish they were 100% of the time. If you manage to be around immediately after they wake up from a nap, there's a good chance of about 2-3 minutes of fuzzy cuteness before they return to acting little spawns of the devil himself. For anybody considering finding a kitten for themselves, you must cherish those brief moments. I also recommend investing in full body armor, because those tiny teeth and claws are extremely painful.