Confession: since grade school, something that I have always found satisfying is figuring out how to do a problem (i.e. math) and then solving the entire worksheet alone and before the rest of the class because I didn’t follow along with the teacher (even though she gave strict instructions to not get ahead of her). Not going to lie, this is still something that gives me a sense of fulfillment and it’s probably one of my favorite feelings ever. Side note: yes, I hate myself for enjoying this so much, too.
The reason why I’m like this is that, characteristically, I’ve always been a very independent person. I thrive off of not needing anyone else to achieve certain goals. Not just that, I practically refuse assistance from other people most of the time, even though I would be at a disadvantage without their help. For this reason, I call myself a stubborn independent. Although being independent is great, every person has their limits, and this article is for the people who also have a hard time being okay with getting help.
Just so you can get a better idea at what I mean by a “stubborn independent”, I would rather get a low grade on an exam than feel like I have to contribute all of my success to my professor. I would rather exhaust myself while trying to reach something on a shelf that’s too high for me, than have to call my dad over to grab it for me. I would rather fail and be forced to adjust my techniques in order to try again and become better, than depend on other people.
The problem that I’ve always had with getting help from other people, especially from teachers and parents, is that I’ve always seen it as a way of admitting, “hey, I’m incapable of doing this myself”. I somehow morph this and convince myself that I’m incapable because I’m too incompetent. This of course is ridiculous because it is impossible to be able to do everything without someone else’s help. Yet, this is a mindset I’ve been stuck with since first grade.
This is not a trait I’m entirely proud of. It is frustrating, and often self-destructive. That is why I have started to convince myself that not being able to do everything by myself is not a thing to be embarrassed of. You are not inferior just because you are not absolutely perfect at everything you do. Reaching out to people who are smarter and better equipped than you are does not mean that they deserve to be accredited with all of your success. It means that you took the incentive to improve yourself, and you went the extra mile to make sure that you could perform to the best of your abilities. You are still intelligent and diligent and amazing.
You can still be independent even if you need a little help sometimes. There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of if you can't do every single thing on your own, because we were not created to be able to handle all of life's struggles by ourselves. I promise that the sooner you realize this, the sooner you'll be able to enjoy life that much more.
