Please stop telling me all the things I have because I don't have kids.
Money.
Time for myself.
No stress.
No obligations.
No responsibilities.
Please stop telling me all the things I can do because I don't have kids.
Sleep in.
Go on road trips.
Go out at a moment's notice.
Have nice things.
Please stop telling me I don't HAVE kids.
Please stop judging me because I don't HAVE kids.
Stop assuming things about me because I don't HAVE kids.
Stop assuming I don't HAVE kids.
I CAN'T have kids. There is a big, huge, significant, fucking difference.
Not that it's any of your business.
I would give anything for your morning sickness. Your stretch marks, your weight gain. Staying up all night. All the stomach bugs and ear infections. The chaos, the mess, the noise. The never-ending laundry.I have always wanted that life, what most would call boring, typical, normal. And I would take your complaints in a heartbeat if that meant I could have my own child.
You complain about things that are temporary. You complain about things that you know will change, with no doubt, no uncertainty. They'll start sleeping through the night. The tantrums will ease up. Eventually, you won't have to worry about every single move, because they'll grow up and learn to take care of themselves.
Infertility has no guidelines.
You don't outgrow this. It's not a phase you need to be patient about. There's no timeline where you know things get easier. There is no adjusting to infertility. You can't have a heart-to-heart with infertility and find out why it's acting out. There's no reasoning, no reward system, no bribing, no punishment. The only punishment is for those who have to deal with infertility. And the only concrete end you can have with infertility is a hysterectomy. The punishment will continue long after the scars have healed from surgery. The punishment will continue long after you've accepted that having kids of your own isn't going to happen. Yes, adopting is an option, but it's not as easy, possible, or successful as it seems. Adopting will also bring judgment. You're not allowed to be unhappy about not having kids in your life because "if you can't get pregnant, why didn't you just adopt?"
STOP asking this question.
It's not a solution or an option that just happened to slip our minds. Trust us, we know all the options. While you were up all night with a fussy baby, we were up researching infertility specialists from down the street to across the country. When you tell me that I must have money because I don't have kids, I think about all the times I wish I'd had the money to try fertility treatments before my emergency hysterectomy at 32. When you assume that I have all the time in the world because I don't have kids, I think back to the times my health allowed me to work full-time, and how I'd give anything to not be limited by the 15 hours my doctor medically clears me to work, because it's a joke trying to live off minimum wage with hours like this.
Stop telling women without kids anything.
Even if it was their choice to be childless, it's not your business. And don't assume that all women have chosen to be childless and that it justifies you making comments about how hard you have it, and how easy we must have. Because I guarantee that every woman with infertility can tell you just how easy it is to become bitter, resentful, angry, and depressed. And we don't need your ignorance to remind us.
