In the first week of college, I had a complete and utter meltdown. There is literally no other words for it. There were tears, phone calls back home, and this horrible feeling of drowning underneath this ocean of failed expectations for college. Orientation week drained my energy and small factors, such as being 2000 miles away from my home and getting overwhelmed by the sheer humidity and hot weather of the South, felt like they were all converging together.

But now, nearly three months into college, college life has done a complete 180 on me. I grew to love being here. I have met so many genuinely kind-hearted people. I became involved in activities that I am actually passionate about. My classes have taught me how to see countless topics in a completely new perspective. I feel like I’m doing brilliantly compared to how I was the first week of school. But it took a good amount of time and self-reflection.

While our high school guidance counselors and teachers may have edited our college applications, gave us recommendations and academically prepared us for college, they never mentioned the real struggles that come with adapting to a completely new environment. They did not tell us that the occasional sense of loneliness that comes with growing up and being independent can morph into panicked thoughts that make you believe you will always be struggling alone.

It’s time to put this belief that each of us are struggling by ourselves to rest. The following are answers from current college freshmen from all over the country to a few questions regarding this issue. I hope that any person who is struggling to find their place or voice in college (or any foreign setting) can find some comfort in these experiences.

What were your expectations of college?
So far, has reality lived up to it?

I kind of expected it to immediately be fun and for me to fulfill all my goals I had set before I went to college. I expected to kind of change who I was and start over. I realized that you can't really change who you are deep down and that college takes time to get used to before you can truly enjoy it.

─ Vikram, Duke University

I thought I would fall in love with it right as I arrived. I expected certain relationships to go through, to immediately be plugged into things, to feel like Wyoming was home...those expectations were not met. What I also expected however was that I would not enjoy going to class (especially if it was hard), I would not find a best friend who would be there through thick and thin, and I expected to hate my job. But I feel like I am learning new things every day and my professors are out-of-this-world amazing. I have met people, and even a best friend, in my labs and lectures who I hope to have with me for a while -- if not forever. I love my job. My bosses are amazing and if something comes up everyone is there to help out, we are one big team. Above all, I thought it would be hard to keep up my faith and while it has been hard, I have never felt so loved by God, never had such a desire to get to know him, have a wholehearted relationship with him. While I do not know if I will stay in Wyoming for four years, I know for right now I am where I need to be.

─ Kyra, University of Wyoming

My expectations were that college will be a place to re-define yourself, and it does so by the ideological multiplicity; because you are presented with so many different ideas and personalities unique from you, you are forced to take a stance on each of them and formulate how you stand in that context. You define for yourself who you are by being thrown into a pool of not-you’s. College is the first taste of that contextual identity-maker that would be the real world, but in an idealistic academic community. College has done this so far.

─ Roy, Duke University

Since coming to college, have you had any problems adjusting?

Since coming to college, I’ve been able to sufficiently adjust in terms of schoolwork and the academic life. Where I struggle to adjust is the social aspect of college; the level of social exposure whether it’s as simple as studying in Perkins Library or going to a house party during the weekends can become overwhelming and mentally taxing. Often times I find myself so overwhelmed that I just become shut off temporarily from the campus life and activities happening here at Duke.

─Anonymous, Duke University

Trying to seem and look like an adult, like you know what you're doing, is awkward and hard. But really, none of us know what we are really doing. Living alone or with another person and having to compromise or work with people was not taught in high school.

─Nekoda, University of Northern Colorado

While I haven't had this particular issue of adjusting while here at college, I realize that a common adjustment-problem is people’s first failures. In elite colleges such as Duke, most students were the best at something in their respective communities, whatever that size. Growing up in that, they felt that they were defined by that adoration, that status of being the best. The trouble is that when they are thrown into the context of others also being the best, they are just average, and the identity-defining adoration disappear. Suddenly, the burden of self-identity is laid upon their own self-judgment, with complications they did not have to endure in the past. With no one to give them a meaning, such identity crisis is the main root of adjustment-problems—that they literally lose their own selves, the selves they have enjoyed in high school. College is just another wake-up call for all that, and a call for people to truly define themselves, not on the crutches of external perceptions, but an internal, existential identity.

─ Roy, Duke University

The biggest adjustment was being okay when I am alone – realizing when I am alone that I am never really alone. It had made my faith grow and I have made amazing friends who make it easier to not be at home. I am working to get past the problems that come with adjusting to independence by remembering I am not here to please anyone and I am working to use my education to glorify God and no one else. I am not 100% there just yet, but eventually with time, independence will become natural.

─Kyra, University of Wyoming

For me, it's not exactly adjusting to college life, it's more like adjusting to American culture [as an international student]. There are many cultural differences here, such as what defines individual identity and values. It does take time to get used to.

─ Serene, Duke University

I've made a few good friends but only a smaller few of those who I see myself sticking with over the next few years. I am out-of-state so there aren't any kids here that I knew before school started. So getting to know the city and the campus and the people has been a small problem. I have family here in Ohio so it isn't too bad because I can still go see them if needed.

─Dakota, The Ohio State University

Having depression has been different in college because no one knows you well enough to help so I kind of struggle with that. I just look forward to the breaks to see my family and friends and I don't spend a lot of time in my room.

─ Andie, William Jewell College

In college, I have not necessarily faced that many issues – but I do get homesick. Looking at the local students going back home for Thanksgiving or for fall break sometimes made me envious because my home is quite far away.

─Shreya, Duke University

With any new environment, I think that there is a lot of room for adjustment. As an engineering student, I had to completely adapt a new study routine, diet, sleep schedule, and organization technique. I haven't mastered the routines yet, but I find that facing failure with an open mind helps the most. This gives us the opportunity to look at our peers and ourselves and learn off of everything. As cliché as it sounds, a person should never stop learning.

─ Selena, University of Colorado Boulder

If you had a friend that was struggling to adjust to college, how would you react?

The best way I would react to friends struggling through college is to remind them that they are not alone in this life transition. At least from my perspective, spending time with a person and hearing what they have to say is the least you can do for a friend in need, and in this time of difficult, stressful transitions, I think that support and comfort is so important.

─Anonymous,Duke University

One of my roommates actually opened up to me about going through depression. We saw her starting to not go to class and not wanting to be here. She wouldn't do anything for herself even if it was simple as laundry or showering. I knew that I was enabling her at one point because I did her laundry and cleaned her things after it started affecting us. It was hard not to do it for her. I wanted to take care of her. However, I know to take care of someone, you need to give the correct kind of help and at this point, we are in the process of helping her seek professional help. There are many people that I know in other schools that struggle to connect even with one or two people. It greatly affects their desire to be a part of the school and that is a huge factor in being at college. I want to act in the most supportive way possible for that person to believe that they are loved and cared for but most importantly, it is their choices that are valued.

─Maislinn, Chapman University

If I had a friend having a problem adjusting to college, I would figure out what the problem is and try to help them because chances are, I have probably faced it this semester or I've dealt with it with other people over my life. And plus I like helping people so I am going to do the best I can to make sure they know they aren't facing their challenge alone.

─Dakota, The Ohio State University

My friend here is from out of state so she has had some problems adjusting to Colorado. She's never been around snow really so I've had to help her by giving her tips on driving. She also doesn't know anyone out here so at times I think she feels lonely. To help her with this, I spend some of my free time with her. Like on her birthday I took her out to do something so she didn't have to spend her birthday alone.

─Nyssa, University of Colorado Denver

If I had a friend who was struggling with these issues, then I would firstly talk to her about it in detail. Secondly, I would also ask her whether she needs help from a better resource. I feel that directly talking to an RA [Resident Assistant] or to a mental health center without understanding my friend would not respect my friend's choice.

─Shreya, Duke University

I do have a friend that has tried to kill herself, however, she is now receiving treatment. It was the pressure of college, introvert-ness, and drugs that made her make that decision. The pressures do get to you. I try to let them know that this is only the beginning and the outcome is what really matters, not the temporary bad or rocky path.

─Nekoda, University of Northern Colorado

Honestly, I would simply relate to my friend. Every day, I learn to "adult" in a different context. "Adulting" is a skill that is quite fluid and malleable, hence why we don't employ "Professional Adults". In the end, I wouldn't want my friend to realize that anyone is perfect at college, but instead that we are all collectively a "hot mess trying their best".

─ Selena, University of Colorado Boulder

One last thing to anyone reading this:

Take a breath. Listen to great music. Hang out with some good people. Take a nap and recharge. Do whatever will make you start living life fully rather than just simply existing.

College is waiting for you.