Let's face a point of truth here for a second. We can't all find our soulmate when we're in high school or college. Relationships fail, people change, and other factors can rip people apart. This is an aspect I will be touching on alot in the coming weeks, but for now we'll focus on one. The older we get, the harder it is to come across people without children. Now, that's not a terrible thing. Children are such a blessing that not everyone gets to the opportunity to experience.
I've been hearing a lot of people say how there aren't books on step-parents. There are tons on being a good mother, or a good father--but what about the rest of us? We fall in love with a person who comes with a package. Now, some people see baggage as a bad thing. This just isn't true. I personally can say that I have loved a child and blood could not have made me love them anymore.
We all deal with the idea of them not liking us, judging us because we aren't their biological parent or the stress and drama that comes from the birth parent who is not your significant other. I'm choosing to generalize because I believe that even if you are not married to your significant other, you are still a step-parent regardless. However, there are some positive points as well. Sometimes, the child loves you and you don't exactly know how to react.
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I am a step child. I have two wonderful step-parents. My step-mom has a beautiful soul, she's the sweetest, and I've never seen my dad so happy. My step-dad is one of the most amazing men I know. When he first became my step-dad, I didn't always feel that way. I was short with him, and I was rather rude sometimes. I didn't want to accept his family as my own, and I sure didn't want to call him dad. I was grown when I got my step-parents, so I was in no state of mind to call either of them mom or dad. I love them both dearly, however, I do still call them by their first name. It's not that I don't respect them or love them because I do. They love my siblings and me unconditionally, and they love my parents to no end. In the end, that's all any child wants when it comes to having another person in their lives. We just want our parents happy, and not to have Cinderella's evil stepmother.
Now, when it comes to being the step-parent, the biggest thing I've come to experience is the line of what is too far for it not being your child, and what isn't. Every person is different as a parent, so not all step-parents are going to know what IS and what is NOT okay for them to do either when teaching, parenting, or even disciplining the child. The line is way too fine and can cause additional stress.
In my personal life, the biggest struggle to me is dealing with the stress and drama of a baby mama. As a person, I have nothing against her, and I would never say a negative thing about her in front of her children. However, I don't understand how some people can keep their children from the other parent. Either for selfish reasons or maybe just to start problems.
As a step-parent, I would do anything for my significant other when involving his children. Just the look in their eyes when they see someone they love is enough to make you melt.
There is always the possibility that the child will not like you. You have to be careful not to be pushy or trying to replace their mother or father. No matter how hard you try to do these things, the child could be blinded to your efforts and see only what they want to see. There are certain scenarios where the child wants you gone because they think that you are the reason their parents are no longer together.
Now, as adults, we know that is never the case, but kids are kids. All they know is that they are confused, lost, and you are someone new and unfamiliar.
There are so many pros when being a step-parent. There is no scenario where it will be easy. You have to attempt not to try so hard, you have to love them more sometimes, while all at the same time perceive the reality that you are a parent to them, biological or not.
