This may come as a surprise, because I'm so knowledgeable and cool in everything else (at least that's what I keep telling myself), but I don’t know anything about social media. Like really, anything. I have Facebook and Snapchat, and I recently made an Instagram account to get a free cupcake (totally worth it), but I have been living a lie. I don’t really know what to do with any of it. I don’t know the unspoken rules of social media. I post and share too often on Facebook, I don’t post enough on Instagram (not one post yet, but I’m really thinking about it), and I have yet to figure out the purpose of Snapchat, but it’s cool, so I have to use it. And don’t even get me started on Vine. Is it still a thing? Is it still cool??

It’s very difficult to walk around as a young person who doesn’t know anything. Just the other day I tried to take a Snapchat of myself and post it as my story and got yelled at by my much cooler friend. You should apparently never post a Snapchat story of just yourself -- that makes you look sad and lame. And to make it worse, she then had to teach me how to delete my story. That is just one example of many. The worst, though, is when older relatives come to you for advice and guidance and you have to send them to your younger and cooler sister (which she will never let you forget). The look of “you’re young, you should know this, what are you even doing with your life if you’re not always on social media” on their faces gets me every time. I try to backtrack and tell them that I am cool and I can help, but even they know it’s a lost cause.

And then there's Facebook. I’ve pretty much gotten it down. I know how to post and share. I know when to like things. I know all about the high-speed food videos (they’re the greatest and I watch them all the time and you’re lying if you say you don’t). Sure, they just threw in those new emoticon things that you can do instead of just liking something, which I have yet to use and think is kind of a waste of time. But the point is that I got it, basically, and now that I do, Facebook isn’t even cool, at least that’s what the young hipster people tell me. Facebook is now for old people. Sorry Mark Zuckerberg, you tried, and if it’s any consolation, I still love you.

I’d like to pretend that it’s because I have an old soul. I’m just too mature for it all. I was born into the wrong century. But that would be a lie. If I am being honest, it’s really because I have no patience to learn hipster rules. So I’m doing it to myself. I don’t need pity or a tutor, I just need someone to help me out with selfie sticks. Are they ironically cool yet or are they still only for really nerdy tourists? I need to know if I should run out and get one before they become lame again.