The daily life of those 5’4” and under is one of many battles. We must face pants with too much fabric at the ends, shelves that are unreachable, and counters that rise to our chins. We still, however, receive no pity from those who are tall. Those who think their “hilarious” clichéd short-jokes are funny to no one but themselves. I would like to take this moment to put a stop to the harassment and speak to some of the numerous struggles we face on a daily basis.
My head is not an armrest.
I don’t know why this is such a common thing to do. Perhaps its some assertion of power, or maybe just a subtle reminder that you are, in fact, taller than me. But, it would be greatly appreciated if you would kindly remove your arm from my head. It's probably not very comfortable for you, and it is definitely not so comfy for me. No one is benefitting from this. Stop that.
Put me down, please.
First of all, you did not ask to pick me up; however, even if you did, the answer would still be no. Please refrain. You may think that it’s difficult to resist the urge to just pick things up that are smaller than you, but it is not. Put me down.
No, I am not 12.
Whether it is purposeful or accidental, everyone seems to feel the need to comment on how young I appear to be. The assumptions range from 10-14, but none of those are very convenient at restaurants, movie theaters, or concerts. I am an adult. Leave me alone.
This isn’t “cute.” Nothing about this is “cute.”
I could be angry, sad, confused, or sick and still get the same reaction as a puppy learning to walk. The fact that I am “fun-sized” somehow makes it extremely difficult for people to take me seriously. I expect full-sized concern to my miniature problems. Please and thank you.
The "weather down here" is fine, thanks for asking.
I don’t even want to dignify this one with a response. The weather is no different from a foot below you…jerk.
Although being short is somewhat of an inconvenience, I prefer to look at the benefits:
We’re viewed at a good angle.
People always see us from above. We basically have a perpetual MySpace selfie angle. There is absolutely no risk of “double-chinning,” and that’s great.
We can always wear heels.
While all of you are worried about being taller than everyone in your heels, we can feel free to rock the 7-inch pumps whenever we’d like. No complaints from anyone involved.
Forever will we receive childrens' discounts
…And that’s perfectly fine with me. Why, yes… I would like the less expensive option. Thank you very much.
So, embrace the height (or lack thereof), and continue to win limbo with pride.
