If you are as lactose intolerant as I am, we’re the normal ones. Humans used to lose their ability to digest lactose after they were babies and stopped drinking their mother’s milk. We only really began drinking milk around 7,500 years ago, because the ability to digest lactose evolved in dairy farming communities in central Europe. Anyway, I digress.
I haven't always been lactose intolerant. Like many people, I unfortunately developed it as I aged, which means the whole realm of dairy products was at one time open to me with no consequences. I participated in the joys of dairy wholeheartedly for years, and most of my favorite foods were and still are full of what despises me: lactose. This creates some internal (and external) struggles, which I'm sure many people in my position can relate to.
1. When you're trying to decide between your stomach and your favorite food
Mac and cheese or stomach pain? Chocolate milkshake or bloating? When weighing the pros and cons, it usually depends on if you remembered your Lactaid pill or if there's a bathroom nearby.
2. When you decide on your favorite food and blow up like a balloon
I hate to say it, but Panera's macaroni and cheese always seems to get the better of my will power. Once it's gone, though, somehow, I always appear to have gained three pounds and a food baby named Paco.
3. When you're trying to be good but your friends invite you out for ice cream...
The sad reality is that most ice cream places don't offer dairy-free options. Hopefully, that will change soon, so vegans and the lactose impaired alike can rejoice. (Ben and Jerry's, please hurry up with those almond milk flavors.)
4. ...Or for pizza
Whoever came up with pizza is a genius and a tormentor of mine. Saying no to a stone-fired, topping covered, gooey piece of pizza has to be one of the hardest things in life. To be honest, I've probably only been able to do it maybe twice in my life. Maybe.
5. Or when the barista tells you they don't have alternative milks
The decision quickly boils down to a delicious caffeinated stomach ache or a sad caffeine-less but painless day. If we're being real, we've all gone the stomach ache route more times than we're proud of.
In the end, we more often than not make the decision we end up regretting about an hour later, but what is life without a few enjoyable mistakes? Or a few thousand?
