I do not remember ever having the best attention span. I think my greatest time paying attention to something was around…two minutes. Then, my mind starts to zone into weird places such as: “am I the equivalent of the end piece of bread?” and the classic “wait, did I eat today?” that gets brought on by thinking about bread. I would like to think that this has started to make me a wonderful multitasker, or multi-thinker, because now my brain just roams to any thought it pleases while still relatively staying in the present.

But alas, it of course is still hard to deal with learning anything in a lecture when your brain starts going: “Hey, remember that really catchy song by the 4 Non Blondes? Here it is on repeat!” This usually turns into a situation where I half hear a lecture about the importance and tasks of the cardiac system, and I half hear a stupid song that always finds its way into my mind.

“I wake in the morning and I step outside, and the kidney takes 20-25% of the blood pumped out of your heart, what’s going on?” Yeah. That’s about how it goes.

In fact, I am actually supposed to be studying right now. But you know what I am thinking about? My inability to ever focus. I am literally not focusing right now by writing about how much I cannot focus on things. My brain knows no boundaries. There is never a time where I am honestly capable of sitting and working for hours on end without getting distracted every five minutes. This is a pretty normal thing to happen when you are a child, so I never thought much of this problem. Now, being a 21 year old nursing student, I am constantly reminded of this problem.

Perhaps the worst part about having a chaotic brain is trying to sleep. Every thought in my head seems to come rushing forward the moment I close my eyes. Anything and everything, ranging from how cute dogs are to how depressing the current political situation of the United States is, suddenly flies through on the Train of Thought Express. I am starting to think my train of thought must not have a normal route, or maybe it just one day fell off the tracks and decided to keep going. And when I am trying to sleep, really weird things start to pop into my head. Things I have not thought about in years decide they want to drop by before I fall into slumber. You know the movie Akeelah and the Bee? Well, my brain decided to bring it up last night before sleep. Why? I do not honestly have an answer for that.

And isn’t that such an odd sensation? To question your own mind? My mind itself is questioning itself about the own things it produced. Okay, I better stop before I confuse my own mind with what it produced again.

The point is, really, that I still do not know if I would rather my brain be less chaotic or not. I love the things my brain can come up with, even if I really, really need to go to bed. The everlasting curiosity and confusion keeps life always looking wondrous. Every thought is an adventure. The Train of Thought Express may be off the tracks, but it passes the most beautiful sights. I have started to learn that in order to deal with the chaos, I have just got to start picking things up along the way and putting them together to make some sense of things. Like right now, for example.

Time to go pick up the pieces of leadership and management in nursing and formed those pieces into coherent thoughts. All aboard the Train of Thought Express. Time to head out.