I never thought I would be the mom who would ever have to face the possibility of being away from my son for any extended period of time due to work, or school, or otherwise. Sure, I may have thought about the possibility of leaving him with family for a week tops if I went on some extravagant trip somewhere, but because of any other reason would be something I would easily scoff at. No way. Away from my son? No.
Some back story, I am a single mom of a beautiful and smart three year old boy. This kid is my entire world. Yeah, every mother says that. But, this kid is my WORLD! Surely no one has ever felt so connected as my son and I. I have sole custody of him, and had to make some terribly hard decisions as soon as he was born. I decided that my current job and degree were not providing the life I wanted for my son to grow in, and so back to school I went! I have taken out loans, somehow been approved for grants, scholarships, and accolades that I never would have thought possible (I had always hated school). I moved in with my parents (and sister) and, while there was always some kind of struggle, things were good. Well, my dad lost his job and my measly contribution towards rent or childcare to my parents was not going to pay the bills, so when my dad got a new job states away... well. I had to make the biggest, and most difficult decision of my entire life. Send my child with my parents whom he is already used to living with and being cared for by, or keep him w me when I had no place to call home and no plans for childcare on such short notice - only until the end of the fall semester. It weally a no brainer, there was never any real choice. I couldn't subject my kid to losing his house, being thrown into some daycare I had not been able to vet, and hungry for attention from the only person he had left when I had seven classes to contend with and nowhere to live.
Anyway, I helped my son relocate with only a week and a half notice of the move, got him down there to his new home, set up his room (when he had always shared a room and a bed with me up until that point) and made sure he was aware of the situation well ahead of time. Every night we would lay in bed and talk about it, every day I would remind him of what was going to happen and that it would all be okay and it may even be fun.
Fast forward a few weeks, I am still taking this almost as hard as I did when I walked away sobbing from the house I had just moved my family into, worried that getting on the flight back to my "home" was the biggest mistake of my life. . . and I still cry daily, sometimes more than once, and almost always after I get off the phone from Facetiming with him. I don't mean a little cry, like the tears that are currently falling down my face, but a painful cry that you know people could see if they were watching, despite any of your best efforts to hide it.
My son? He is fine! He misses me, but he knows where I am. He has my family. He has had a bit of a hard time adjusting to having his own room and his own bed, he has developed nightmares, but otherwise, he knows he can talk to me when he wants and that I love him. He and I are both counting down the days until we see each other again - and I vowed to basically glue him to me when I do see him.
What I think is the hardest part of this whole ordeal (other than missing him and at times being so numb from the loss of his presence that I can't focus on schoolwork - which is the only reason I am away from him to begin with) is worrying about the attention he gets while I am not there. Do they hold him enough? Do they feed him things I wouldn't want them to? Do they discipline him in ways that I would not approve of? These had been issues in the past when I had been living with them, and I am still worried at times that they are not the best sit in parents... however, they are better than nothing, and they are better than strangers.
I was able to live somewhere familiar to my son when I first came back, but I have been misplaced twice due to circumstances out of my (and the person I was living with) control. How could I have possibly handled that with him when I was so scared for my own well being? I feel like, had I not made the decision to allow him to stay with my parents, I would have given up on school so many times. Heck, it is hard enough as it is to stay in and not drive to be with him.
I just keep looking to the light at the end of the tunnel - in about three weeks, I will have him in my arms again and I will have completed my most challenging semester yet. I may have a long road ahead of me when it comes to transferring schools, but we can travel it together.
Some tips for parents that have to be away from their child(ren)?
- talk daily, even if it kills you.
- buy a CloudPet! I got the bear for my son and I leave him a new message every day, he presses it repeatedly before falling asleep with it in his arms - listening to my voice as he does.
- try not to give up! Whatever you're doing must be to benefit your child in some way, otherwise you likely would never have thought of being away to begin with!
- stay responsible - don't turn to anything that may impair your ability to function while you are doing what needs to be done, or affects your ability to talk to your child.
- create things to look forward to - otherwise the time will just drag.
- talk about it. Don't be afraid to let people know how you feel, even if you embarrass yourself by crying in class, in the car, at the store, whatever... ultimately, bottling up your feelings is never good for mental health.
- try something new, like meditation.
Well, if you ever have to go without your child temporarily, I hope these tips help! Thanks for letting me vent to y'all - you have improved my mental health without even knowing it!
