I'm naturally an introvert that longs to be an extrovert - which ends up making things pretty awkward.
And awkwardness comes with a lot of challenges...
Classes
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Don't arrive too early, or too late. Don't sit too close or too far. Avoid eye contact with professor. Try to remember my own name. Don't be weird. Don't be weird. Please just go 50 minutes without being weird.
Hugs
Oh god no, please do not hug me. I'll do it if I have to but I don't really know what to do with my hands... and I'm extremely uncomfortable.
Cuddling
Are there instructions for this?
Seeing people from my past
Friend I haven't seen in years: "Hey Shelby!"
Me: "I'm good thanks!"
Oops, wrong answer.
Family reunions
Please tell me these are weird for everyone.
Introductions
New person: Hey I'm Sarah.
Me: I have a cat.
Shaking hands
Why is this a thing? It's weird. How hard do I squeeze? Is there a perfect amount of time? How long as it been since this person has washed their hands? I'm painfully uncomfortable every single time that this has to happen.
Compliments & gifts
Yep. Just another awkward moment. Don't expect me to look at you or say anything.
Checking out at a store
Do I look the cashier in the eyes? How long? No talking? Small talk? Oh no I can't get my money into my wallet fast enough! I'm gonna pass out.
Eye contact
What's the correct ratio of eye contact to no eye contact? How often do I look into someone's eyes? Yeah I probably shouldn't have held eye contact with that stranger for so long.
Pictures
Am I squinting? Do I force my eyes open? I can't smile. My face is twitching. Oh god what do I do with my hands?
Social events
If I look at the floor and focus on my feet I won't trip over anything, right? Time to pretend I'm texting. Nobody talk to me, nobody talk to me, please lord don't let anyone talk to me.
Interviews
Potential boss: So tell me a little about yourself.
I don't know who I am.
Phone calls
I will do anything to avoid making or answering a phone call. Should I write out what I'm going to say? What if it goes to voicemail? Hey this is.. *oh my god I don't remember my own name*
Restaurants
Yeah, don't take me to a nice restaurant - you will regret it. I'll spend the entire time trying to figure out what fork to use and I'll probably spill something or choke on my food.
The awkward life is rough, but it's who I am!
