This is yet again going to be a hard article to write, but I know it will help others.

Ever since I was younger I have always struggled with my weight. I never really thought much of it until I started the third grade.

I'm from an Irish and Italian family and we love to eat, so I grew up eating all the time. I started getting chunky around the age of eight, those years were really a blur. All I remember was noticing clothes started not to fit and I either wore cloths from the Junior Plus or the adult Women's. I remember being so embarrassed to be eight shopping in the Junior Plus section, but I had too. Around that time Limited Too was a thing that all the girls my age were wearing and I wanted a shirt from there so I could fit in. I remember being in that changing room squeezing into that shirt so I can just say I have something from Limited Too, and that's when it all started. When I was in that dressing room, trying on a shirt in the largest size I could find, I felt like a million bucks because I had a shirt from the It store. I was excited because I got it on my body, but mentally I told myself it fit because I just wanted a shirt from there. I remember taking it off, which was a struggle, but it fit. I was excited but for all the wrong reasons. I came home so excited and I showed my mom who obviously said it didn't fit. (looking at it now, it didn't fit but back then I wanted to much to be able to wear those clothes to fit in and be cool)

It was hard growing up and being my size. In the third grade we had these stupid tests for our height, eye sight, and weight. I remember it being my turn to go up and I just started to cry, I didn't want anyone to know my weight because I knew I was fat. For the sixth grade we had to give shirt sizes for our class shirt and I was too embarrassed to yell out the shirt size so I went up to my teacher and told her the biggest size. (Keep in mind that these sizes were for adult men... but I still ordered the biggest size) I ordered the biggest size because every time I would go shopping with my mom we always had to get the biggest size because every thing ran small for me. Of course growing up into my teens years I was so self conscious because all my childhood I knew I was fat and had to buy certain clothes to cover up. However, no one really picked on me for my weight it was all self conscious. Junior High wasn't that bad because I only had two friends and no one really saw weight, which made me forget about it too.

High school started and I joined the Volleyball team (I've spoken a lot about this team...) I started to enjoy playing because for the first time in a long time I was active. Even though no one directly made fun of me for my weight, I was still really self conscious. In the locker room I didn't like to change in front of anyone, I would usually wait till everyone left or I would go change in the bathroom stall. I was so self conscious because all my life I was told to cover up, that I should always get bigger sizes in my clothes so it would hide my body.

Well, after a while I started to look and feel thinner. (which is BS because you can't feel thinner) I started to feel less self conscious and started to feel more comfortable in smaller size clothing and in my own skin. I remember going shopping with my mom and she would always tell me to get the XXL, even though I could fit into a L, but she always said, "No, you want it to be loose." She was right, it was loose, and really comfy, but part of me got tired hiding behind baggy clothes. I would start shopping with my friends or buy myself, then I would come home to show my mom and she would always tell me they are too tight.

Just about a year a go I started to loose a lot of weight, I was down to 185 lbs and so happy, I felt confident and ready to take on the world. I lost this weight by just eating less, and no exercise. Then my Grandpa passed away and watching what I ate was the last thing on my mind. I didn't drastically gain weight but I didn't loose anything either.

College started and I was working out everyday and just kept reminding myself that I was working out to get healthy to not loose weight. The last time I was loosing weight, my goal was to get the number smaller, not be healthier. I feel a lot better about myself and am comfortable with my body, but every now and then I wanted to see my progress. I got on the scale and I saw the number, I was 200 lbs. I was so shocked and so sad because I've been working so hard to get in shape and I seemed to be gaining it back??? I found out that muscle weighs more than fat, so I must have been gaining muscle! I have still been working out and I'm thinking of trying for the Volleyball Team at my College, so I've been practicing my serves and doing more weight training.

Today I was trying on the dresses for a family event and none of them fit, I could close them and everything but they were all a little snug. Also keep in mind I haven't put on these dresses in about two years, so a lot did change. Comments were made and It made me feel really bad about myself. I went from feeling like a hundred bucks to feeling just like I did in that Limited Too dressing room. I feel better now because I have learned to love my body.

This article is to all of you that feel you aren't thin enough and that you should be a certain weight for your height. That is SO false because being 5'6 I should weigh about 150 lbs... I'm sorry but for me, that's not healthy. It has been a long ride but I finally realize that there is nothing wrong with me and my body! I will always be big and I'm okay with that! I love being able to be myself in my own skin and strive for greatness everyday!

The point of all of this is to inspire people to change their goals to instead loosing weight, just to be healthy, if you loose a couple of pounds a long the way, good for you! But don't make loosing weight your goal! Enjoy life and love yourself and stay healthy!