Do people frequently ask you what’s wrong when you are completely fine? Do strangers avoid approaching you, or look the other way when eye contact is made?
If so, you may be living with Resting Bitch Face, or RBF, a common but unfortunate malaise that affects many young women today.
I first realized that I was a victim of RBF in middle school, during a particularly frustrating field hockey game.
I was standing on the sidelines minding my own business when my coach told me that if I didn’t “adjust my attitude”, she wouldn’t put me back in the game.
I didn’t know what to say to her, so I did the mature thing and asked all of my teammates what the hell that bitch was talking about. They all looked a little uncomfortable.
“Well, Mere, you do look kinda mad…” one girl said timidly, “…..like, all the time”.
I was appalled. How dare she. All I was doing was standing there! Granted my parents had been telling me this same thing for years, but never had I expected to hear it from a peer, let alone a coach!
After that game, I began a full-on RBF investigation and discovered that I was hearing the same thing, over and over, from everyone.
“I know you’re nice on the inside, it just doesn’t always look that way on the outside.”
“Well when I first met you, I didn’t like you. Mostly I didn’t like your expression. It scared me.”
“You’re fine, you just take some time to get used to!”
People were trying to make me feel better, but I knew the truth. I had a severe case of Resting Bitch Face, and it was there to stay.
They say that acknowledging your problem is the first step to recovery. This has held true in my struggle with RBF, as it has helped me realize that I am not alone. There are ways to live a functional life with RBF.
Although it has no known cure, there are plenty of treatment options, including support (RBF is pretty easy to recognize, so reach out to other victims and share your stories), self-regulation (be aware that RBF will affect your social interactions, and plan accordingly. Don’t ever drop that smile when meeting new people – and I mean ever), and Botox (only for extreme circumstances).
What many people don’t realize is that RBF is unstoppable and it affects all aspects of life. Interviews always start off terribly. People in coffee shops quietly finagle around you so to avoid asking you to move. Kind people often do random things to try and “cheer you up”. Don’t even get me started on dating.
I have come to embrace and accept by bitchy resting face, but many others still live unaware. Please, let them know. It may be hard for them to hear, but, in the end, they will thank you. Or maybe they’ll just glare at you. They’re probably trying to thank you, so take it and run.
