To care is defined as, "displaying kindness and concern for others."

Since I was young, I always cared way too much. I remember making cards for the kids who beat me in games in fourth grade to congratulate them on their victory. My favorite part of Christmas has always been buying presents for people. There's been a fair amount of nights when I have driven hours to go pick up friends that needed help or just needed a shoulder to cry on. I have held back hair of puking friends, wiped tears off faces, and listened to endless sob stories. I care. It's what I do. It's why I am on this earth. People in church always told me I'm an "encourager". I motivate and encourage people. Unfortunately, not to sound selfish, but this overly caring spirit often leaves me broken because people don't show the same amount of care.

Lately I have struggled. I'll admit it. My back is bent over backwards and slowly breaking apart. It's breaking from the stress, the pressure, and the urge to constantly help others. (And as I say this, I don't mean to brag. I am not asking for a Nobel Peace Prize. I am no where near perfect.) I constantly see hurt in others and my whole inner being aches to help them. Countless hours of my life have been spent worrying, crying, and praying for people. I openly make myself available for people in their times of need. But when it comes to mine, I get a consoling text and pat on the head, and then I am sent on my merry way to face the world.

Maybe I am asking for too much. Maybe I shouldn't expect the rest of the world to care like I do. Maybe it's this weird disease of the personality I have. Maybe I am selfish. Maybe I ask for too much.

I wish i had an answer or solution to all of this. Every fiber of me searches for a peaceful balance between apathy and too much empathy. I've made the terrible mistake lately of just cutting off people before they can care. I figured if they don't truly care, why provide the opportunity for them to care? It just opens up more space to get hurt.