I would never wish loving someone with an addiction on my worst enemy. Whether its your family member, your friend, or your significant other, its all the same pain. The pain of looking into the eyes of your loved one and knowing they aren't looking back anymore. There's nothing past those big beautiful eyes anymore and they are nothing more than a painting on a wall. Their depth has receded and their addiction has made them shallow. If you have experienced what I am talking about I am deeply sorry, and if you haven't I pray you never will. Either way, I hope this free verse sponsored by my sleepless nights provides you with some insight into how it feels or at least some comfort that you're not alone.
Talking To Slightly Responsive Walls
Have you ever had your family torn apart by a substance?
Have you ever prayed that you just misplaced that $20, rather than lost it to another's desperate attempts to feed their addiction.
You're just sitting there wondering if you're stolen money is sponsoring your loved ones dazed look tonight.
Anyone who knows me knows I can talk to a wall, but recently I've learned I can't anymore.
I can't peer into glazed eyes and feel heard or cared about.
I can't lose another hour of sleep fearing for their life
I can't go another day talking to slightly responsive walls because I feel like I'm surrounded by them. Enclosed. And I can't breathe.
I'm surrounded by blank walls that used to be colorful. Walls that lit up when they saw me and never hesitated to call me beautiful.
Walls splashed with liveliness and ambition.
Now I sit trapped in a corner I've known since I was a child.
A grim corner that drains your money, happiness, and ruins your family.
Now there's brick walls and bars where there used to be Windows and Van Goghs.
I know those walls are hurting and have had their wallpaper torn down and dry wall smashed in recently.
But what they don't realize is they are doing the same to me.
I'm done wasting my breath on slightly responsive walls, they never remember my words anyways.
And People always say "if walls could talk" and I laugh and say "well they can, but they're just too f*cked up to say anything anymore."
If you or a loved one is dealing with drug or alcohol abuse, please seek help, you are not alone. I've spent countless night reading every article I could about how to help my loved ones through their addiction, but the reality of it is sometimes its much bigger than you or I. Sometimes you need help. Here are some resources if you find yourself in this situation, please don't hesitate to ask for help!
This website has several toll free hotlines for any situation you could be in: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/anxiety-disord...
