My freshman year of college is over and I am now back at home. I feel strange. There is a tension, a struggle so to speak, between the life I lived at college and who I am at home that goes along with the difficulties of family life and fulfilling roles that I have not had to think about since college.

With all this in mind, there is one saint who sticks out in my mind: St. Philothea, a name literally meaning “the friend of God.” If you wish to read in depth about her life, you may do so here, but in this moment, I wish to simply reflect on her apolytikion, that is, the hymn written to honor her:

The famed city of Athens does honor Philothea, the righteous martyr whose relics it now reveres with joy. For while living in sobriety and holiness, she has exchanged all earthly things for the everlasting life through great contest as a martyr. And she entreateth the Savior to grant His mercy unto us.

The one line that has imprinted itself in my brain and incessantly repeats is that while living in sobriety and holiness, she has exchanged all earthly things for the everlasting life through great contest as a martyr. That is, she gave up everything she had, even her own life, unto death. As Christ says, “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Mark 8:36-37). By literally forfeiting her life, she followed Christ, taking up her cross for the benefit of others and for her eternal salvation.

Furthermore, all of this was done while living in sobriety and holiness. Many of us struggle to live holy lives and feel like all is wasted; the pull of addiction, anger, lust, gluttony, and jealousy pull us back to habits and patterns of life that scar the image of our humanity and make us less than human. But, as it was once told to me, “Not one bit of struggle is wasted… all is tested and brought forward for the glory of God.” And, as St. John of Kronstadt puts it, “Where there is no struggle, there is no virtue.”

Keep struggling. The prayers of St. Philothea and all the saints will be with you.